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I dreamed last night that my cousin, who just turned 63 on February 5, invited everyone to her house to see her new baby. I was shocked and excited about this. I was surprised to find that she now lived in the house I lived in as a very young child--it was haunted as hell! I moved out of that house when I was in third grade. The old piano we left there was still there too. LOL.
Anyhow, when I arrived there, the house was full of relatives, and the "baby" turned out to be an adorable gray and white kitten. But everyone was treating it as though it was an actual baby. It was a pretty funny dream. I don't remember too many of the details--just mainly how sweet and cute that kitten was.
Today, I finished using Golden Glow to polish all the rest of the wooden furniture in my bedroom. I don't think i have thoroughly polished the bedroom furniture since I moved into the house nearly three years ago. It looks beautiful in there right now. I also cleaned out and reorganized the top drawer in the bedside table. It needed it desperately. And, I used the electric broom to sweep the floor again. All I have left to do in there is polish the top of one small end table which is covered with some of my Tonner dolls. They need to be straightened up and possibly redressed and have their hair combed. The other thing I need to do in there is scrub the floor.
I discovered a pile of puke between the bathroom door and the laundry room door and a puddle of puke on one of the bathroom rugs that I JUST put down in the bathroom after having to wash the puke out of it a week ago. Sigh. I cleaned up both nasty puke piles.
I had two toaster waffles for lunch and a bowl of oatmeal and a single serve plastic carton of applesauce for supper. I just don't feel like eating or cooking. Tomorrow I HAVE to make something more nourishing--preferrably something with protein. My freezer is full of food, but I just don't feel like making it.
One interesting thing that happened today: I cleaned out that drawer. In the drawer was a wallet that my sister had thrown out. I salvaged it and used it to save cash for various purposes. When I cleaned out the drawer, I looked in the wallet, expecting it to be empty. However, there was $160 in cash in it! Woot! I certainly can use some cash at this time as I spent over a third of my monthly income on Stewie. Then, I found my little cat head change purse in there too. I opened that up and found another $60 in $20 bills in that! I don't remember tucking money away in that.
Stewie hardly ate anything today--at least not that I saw. However, he did follow me into the kitchen, meowing loudly as if he were begging me for food--despite the fact that he has four bowls of food--all different kinds--in the kitchen as well as several different kinds of treats in the living room and soft food available in the bedroom. It's like he WANTS to eat but nothing I have looks good to him. So, I went on Amazon and bought
a bag of fish flavored Crave which he used to adore but isn't available in my normal store any more, two kinds of soft food, a "lickable" kind of treat that is very soupy that has been specially made for sick kitties, and a three-pack of "milk" which has been specially processed for cats to be able to digest it. It also stated that it was full of calories and good for cats who are recovering from an illness or are elderly and need more high calorie food to help them regain weight. It will be delivered by this Friday, so I am hoping it will tempt him and get him to eat.
I did not hear from the therapist I called yesterday again today. I am feeling a real need to see someone as I feel myself disconnecting from everything and everyone. I am not suffering as much grief, anxiety, and fear as I was before from the horrific hospital experience, but what I am feeling is nothing. I don't feel happiness or sadness or much of anything. I can't stay focused on TV shows or books. I don't enjoy embroidery or sewing. A lot of the time, I just sit in the recliner and stare at the TV, and when the show is over, I can't really say what it was about.
I know I should do something--get involved in something--try to develop a social life, but I just don't want to go anywhere or do anything. I don't want to bake. I don't want to cook. I don't want to eat. I don't want to talk to anyone on the phone. I don't want to go to a movie or out to eat. I don't know what I want. Nothing springs to mind.
Tomorrow my insurance lady comes. On Thursday I see the cardiologist and the pharmicist. I do not want to. I know they will be pressuring me to take blood thinners, and I don't want to. They made the veins in the back of my eyes leak blood. The eye doctor told me that could lead to blindness, and I'd rather be dead than blind.
I've been going to bed early because I am always tired, but I have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. And I dream and dream and dream--all kinds of crazy things.
I am forcing myself to clean because I want to live in a clean, organized environment. Tomorrow I will work on the kitchen and the office. Once I get the base rooms of the house clean and organized, I will be working on the laundry/sewing/craft room which is a disaster. It desperately needs to be organized.
I am hoping that the joy sewing doll clothes gives me can be restored.
Anyhow, when I arrived there, the house was full of relatives, and the "baby" turned out to be an adorable gray and white kitten. But everyone was treating it as though it was an actual baby. It was a pretty funny dream. I don't remember too many of the details--just mainly how sweet and cute that kitten was.
Today, I finished using Golden Glow to polish all the rest of the wooden furniture in my bedroom. I don't think i have thoroughly polished the bedroom furniture since I moved into the house nearly three years ago. It looks beautiful in there right now. I also cleaned out and reorganized the top drawer in the bedside table. It needed it desperately. And, I used the electric broom to sweep the floor again. All I have left to do in there is polish the top of one small end table which is covered with some of my Tonner dolls. They need to be straightened up and possibly redressed and have their hair combed. The other thing I need to do in there is scrub the floor.
I discovered a pile of puke between the bathroom door and the laundry room door and a puddle of puke on one of the bathroom rugs that I JUST put down in the bathroom after having to wash the puke out of it a week ago. Sigh. I cleaned up both nasty puke piles.
I had two toaster waffles for lunch and a bowl of oatmeal and a single serve plastic carton of applesauce for supper. I just don't feel like eating or cooking. Tomorrow I HAVE to make something more nourishing--preferrably something with protein. My freezer is full of food, but I just don't feel like making it.
One interesting thing that happened today: I cleaned out that drawer. In the drawer was a wallet that my sister had thrown out. I salvaged it and used it to save cash for various purposes. When I cleaned out the drawer, I looked in the wallet, expecting it to be empty. However, there was $160 in cash in it! Woot! I certainly can use some cash at this time as I spent over a third of my monthly income on Stewie. Then, I found my little cat head change purse in there too. I opened that up and found another $60 in $20 bills in that! I don't remember tucking money away in that.
Stewie hardly ate anything today--at least not that I saw. However, he did follow me into the kitchen, meowing loudly as if he were begging me for food--despite the fact that he has four bowls of food--all different kinds--in the kitchen as well as several different kinds of treats in the living room and soft food available in the bedroom. It's like he WANTS to eat but nothing I have looks good to him. So, I went on Amazon and bought
a bag of fish flavored Crave which he used to adore but isn't available in my normal store any more, two kinds of soft food, a "lickable" kind of treat that is very soupy that has been specially made for sick kitties, and a three-pack of "milk" which has been specially processed for cats to be able to digest it. It also stated that it was full of calories and good for cats who are recovering from an illness or are elderly and need more high calorie food to help them regain weight. It will be delivered by this Friday, so I am hoping it will tempt him and get him to eat.
I did not hear from the therapist I called yesterday again today. I am feeling a real need to see someone as I feel myself disconnecting from everything and everyone. I am not suffering as much grief, anxiety, and fear as I was before from the horrific hospital experience, but what I am feeling is nothing. I don't feel happiness or sadness or much of anything. I can't stay focused on TV shows or books. I don't enjoy embroidery or sewing. A lot of the time, I just sit in the recliner and stare at the TV, and when the show is over, I can't really say what it was about.
I know I should do something--get involved in something--try to develop a social life, but I just don't want to go anywhere or do anything. I don't want to bake. I don't want to cook. I don't want to eat. I don't want to talk to anyone on the phone. I don't want to go to a movie or out to eat. I don't know what I want. Nothing springs to mind.
Tomorrow my insurance lady comes. On Thursday I see the cardiologist and the pharmicist. I do not want to. I know they will be pressuring me to take blood thinners, and I don't want to. They made the veins in the back of my eyes leak blood. The eye doctor told me that could lead to blindness, and I'd rather be dead than blind.
I've been going to bed early because I am always tired, but I have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. And I dream and dream and dream--all kinds of crazy things.
I am forcing myself to clean because I want to live in a clean, organized environment. Tomorrow I will work on the kitchen and the office. Once I get the base rooms of the house clean and organized, I will be working on the laundry/sewing/craft room which is a disaster. It desperately needs to be organized.
I am hoping that the joy sewing doll clothes gives me can be restored.
