chochiyo_sama

This was actually written on Wednesday night, but the computer was acting weird, so I typed it in a word document and saved it until today. The computer is still being a little pissy, but I am hoping I can at least get this posted.

I slept well last night, but I had weird, anxious dreams. The first dream I recall is shopping for groceries and spending $159, writing a check, and being terribly worried that there was not enough money in the bank to cover it. As I recall, there were a lot of perishable, dairy-type products in my bags. By the way, I had brown paper bags instead of my nice reusable blue bags with handles. I had a lot of yogurt and those individually packaged pudding cups and chip dip and cottage cheese and stuff like that.

I suppose this was dreamed as a result of how hungry I was yesterday. I was wishing that I had enough money to be able to purchase more stuff to keep down in my lair or in the refrigerator in the basement, so on days like yesterday when there was nothing to eat, I could make do with that sort of odds and ends. I should get some microwave dinners—there is a microwave down here.

Then, I dreamed that I went to ROC to visit the kids. When I got there, they were having an overnight lock-in. Sometimes when I dream about ROC, the setting is different than it is in real life, yet in the dreams it is pretty consistent. Any how, it was this alternative ROC setting—where there is nothing behind the school and a big area of open meadow-like land in front with homes over a block away.

Also, the school was sort of a combination of ROC and Triton.

When I went down to “my” classroom (which is now Blair’s classroom), it had a huge bed in it…and the white board had been replaced by a very old chalkboard which was in crappy condition. The room looked nothing at all like it was when I had it, and I felt very sad, thinking, “Jeez, they couldn’t wait to rub out every reminder of my existence.”

I was very very tired, and I wanted to lie down on that giant bed and go to sleep, but I knew that all those dairy products were in my vehicle (which was a huge pickup truck instead of my little green Buick), so I started saying good-bye to the kids. In the dream, the faculty seemed anxious to see me gone. No one in the faculty talked to me, and in the dream, Tracy wouldn’t even lift her head to look at me.

I suppose this is more of my anxiety—that I am not welcome there anymore, even though everyone seemed very happy to see me when I went there, and many faculty made a point of seeing me and talking with me.

So, as I prepared to leave, I hugged many of my kids and even kissed a few of them on the cheek. I got into my vehicle and checked my billfold. In my dream, I had three twenty dollar bills in my billfold, and I had not locked the vehicle, so I was nervous that someone may have gone in there and taken my money—which was the ONLY money I had. (Shit, I WISH I had $60 in cash!)

As I drove away, I realized it had snowed, and snowed a lot! I couldn’t even see the roads! I was driving on a mountainous road that was covered with snow and ice. I went down a steep hill and found that the bridge over a narrow stream had been washed away—there was a steep embankment down into the little river then the river, which was partially frozen, but still flowing rapidly. I briefly considered driving into the river and across, but the banks were so steep and so rough that I was afraid I would get hung up going down or be unable to get up the bank on the other side. So, I carefully turned the truck around and went back up the hill. I figured I would have to find another way home. There was so much deep snow I couldn’t see anything. It was about then that I either woke up or the dream ended or I just don’t remember what happened next.

My alarm went off, but I turned it off and went back to sleep. I was so tired. I got up at about noon—and I could have kept sleeping ALL FREAKING DAY again…but I forced myself to get up and get dressed. Mom had wanted me to work in the porch yesterday, but I worked in my room all day instead.

So, today, I planned to work on the porch stuff. When I got upstairs, mom had made chili. She was already eating when I came up, and we talked for a little while before she headed over to Lily and Jerry’s house to pick the green beans they had told her she could have.

After she left, I had an enormous bowl of chili and a couple of pieces of toast. I ate this while I watched some judge show on tv. When I was done eating, I put the remaining chili in a plastic container in the fridge, put my dishes in the dishwasher, washed the chili pan and scoop in the sink, and wiped down the stove, counter and table. Mom had baked some Amish friendship bread, so I cut a slice of that and ate it.

The last thing I felt like doing was working in the porch, but it has to be done. So, I went out to the porch and put a bunch of stuff in the consignment shop pile—including my two suitcases and my jigsaw puzzles. I hated to get rid of them, but there is no place to keep them, and I never seem to make the time to put them together anyway.

I emptied out four shoe box-sized plastic bins as well as two shallow but large under-the-bed totes. I packed up several of the blue Walmart bags with stuff to be taken downstairs. Some of it was doll accessories. One was my Tammy doll family from IDEAL. I have Tammy, Pepper, Tammy’s Mom and Dad, and either Tammy’s brother or her boyfriend. I cannot tell those two apart. I think the Tammy dolls are actually more attractive than Barbie was at that time, but I hated (and still hate) the way their legs spraddle out like “V” shapes when they sit instead of modestly straight ahead. I gave serious thought to getting rid of my Tammy dolls, but I just couldn’t do it. I want to give them their own home in my doll world—I think I owe them that. Actually, only Tammy herself is from my childhood dolls. The mom, dad, and boyfriend/brother I got at Uncle Tom’s Antiques in Owatonna—they were about $35 apiece. Her little sister Pepper came from Miller’s Second Hand and Antiques in Kasson. I think I paid about $20 for her.

I also found one of my vintage doll families…in that family the only original members of my childhood collection are the skipper and the tutti. The dad is a dark-haired Ken doll without a thumb that I got at the flea market in Winona. The Mom is a Midge with dark, short hair. I traded some vintage cocoa-cola Christmas coasters to Chuck Hoffman for her. He collected Coke stuff, and his first wife collected Barbie stuff. She had two of these dark-haired Midge’s, so I was lucky enough to get her. Both Midge and Ken are vintage.

Another thing I found was a pair of jeans I had worn in college when I had lost so much weight. I look at these jeans—which I thought were HUGE back in the day—and I think how small my butt was then, to fit in these tiny things. LOL. Well, as far as social pressure goes, they were considered big (size 14) in those days…but shit! I’d be very happy to be THAT HUGE again—any day!

I am saving them, along with one adorable little embroidered muslin top which I loved back then. Someday, maybe, I will wear them again.

I sorted through a bunch of books. I am keeping most of them—at least until I get a chance to read them. A lot of them will go somewhere else once I have read them—unless they are so good that I feel I must keep them.

Mom was gone for so long that I was beginning to worry about her. I was just about ready to get into my car and go see what was up—I had visions of her unconscious in the bean patch—when she came home. She had stopped by Jack and Kari’s to give them some green beans to eat and got interested in the movie Unstoppable and stayed to watch it. Her cold sounded pretty bad again today—her lungs are very congested. If she isn’t better by next week, I think she should go to the doctor. It might have turned into pneumonia.

She complained of being very hot, and I suggested perhaps this would be a good afternoon to go to Dairy Queen for some ice cream. She agreed. She also suggested I fill my car up (meaning SHE would fill my car up since I have no money at all—I had to shake a bunch of quarters and dimes out of my piggy bank to get enough money to buy ice cream!) I told her I could wait until I get the check from unemployment so she didn’t have to put gas in my tank.

However, she had volunteered me to go to Owatonna tomorrow to pick up the McDonalds lunches for Kim’s day care kids. She always gives them a McDonald’s picnic a day or two before they have to go back to school. I did not mind this in the least as I am always happy to do whatever for my dear sister whose life is basically hell on earth due to her worthless asshole husband.

She had asked him if he would run to McDonald’s and pick up the food for her, since he NEVER works and he cruises around town all day long anyhow, and SHE was paying for everything—including anything HE would like…but he said he would have to “CHECK HIS SCHEDULE.” Anyhow, she called mom, crying, and asked mom if we could possibly do it for her as he couldn’t be depended upon to do anything. He seems to be the happiest when he can make her the most miserable.

So, Mom and I and Cora and Caleb will be going to Owatonna tomorrow to get McDonald’s for the day care kids. Kim said she would buy our meals too, but Mom said, “NO WAY.” We can buy our own meals.

Anyhow—I had a very heavy tote full of framed pictures that neither Mom nor I could carry (I can’t carry anything that takes two hands anyhow since I have the damned cane). Kari had said she would come over and carry it to the basement for me—and she called and said she could come tonight. Mom told her that we were going to the DQ and asked if she and the kids would like to come too. She said no, but she would wait for us to come back as she and the kids all wanted to ride their bikes over here.

So, Mom and I took off for Blooming Prairie—where the closest DQ is—and while we were stopped at the gas station, my cell phone rang…it was Kari. She said the children were devastated as THEY wanted to go to DQ also—and why hadn’t we waited for them and could we bring them back some blizzards? So I said we were only at the gas station, which is just outside of town. We could easily go back and get them, then their ice cream would not be all melted and gross by the time we got back. Then I handed to phone over to Mom to work out the details since I had to put the gas in my car.

At first Cora did not want to go to Blooming with us. She wanted to ride her bike to Grandma’s with her Momma. But, by the time we got there to pick up Caleb, she had decided to come too. They had decided that I could drop them back off at THEIR house, then they would all ride their bikes to Grandmas!

So, off to Blooming we went with our little monkeys in the back seat. All the way there, they were singing inappropriate songs and telling inappropriate jokes.. LOL. They were the same inappropriate songs and jokes I had known as a child, so I am quite sure their father taught them to them. One was “Look down your shirt and spell ATTIC.” Another is “Spell PIG backwards, then say ‘funny.’” There was a song about “Boobs” as well, but that one was unfamiliar to me.

This went on all the way to Blooming, along with funny stories of what new and crazy thing Mojo had done.

Once we’d been through the drive-through, it got remarkably quiet in the back seat.

OH—on a happy note, Mom said that since she was buying treats for the kids, she would buy my ice cream as well. So I can hang onto my quarters and dimes. LOL.

When we got home, we dropped off the kids as planned and they all rode their bikes to Grandma’s house. I enslaved poor Caleb who carried 3-4 Walmart bags of books and notebooks and stuff like that to the basement for me. Kari carried down my little metal drawer thing that used to contain filmstrips. I pulled it out of the garbage back when Triton remodeled the high school. Ever since then, I have regretted not taking the other two as well. Sigh. Anyhow, it is down in my lair now—along with several other bags and totes. I had just got everything put away, and now I have a new bunch of stuff to find homes for down here. It’s good, though, because Mom’s porch is almost emptied of my stuff.

Kari and I put my microwave in a big plastic garbage bag and put it on the new shelf in the garage—my brand new toaster oven, still in the box, went out there as well. My large hanging globe lamp is in a sturdy tote and out on the shelf too. I would rather have it in the house, but there is no place for it, and just sitting around, I am afraid it would get broken.

I suppose I could sell my set of three matching globe lamps, but I love them sooo much. They are sort of a pale tan color and they have pretty, delicate apple blossoms on the globes and the glass bases. I don’t WANT to get rid of them.

When they left, Mom watched America’s Got Talent, and I came downstairs to watch Ghost Hunters. I wait all week for that show, then, once again, I fell asleep watching it! I did work pretty hard today, and that porch was so hot and humid! I spent several hours out there, and I was pretty dang beat when I quit.

Mom came down and chatted for a while at about 10 pm—mainly to be sure I was still willing to get that McDonald’s stuff for Kim…duh. Of course I am!

When she went back upstairs, I grabbed a diet Coke and came into my lair—I carried the two totes I had finished filling yesterday into the furnace room and put them on the top shelf. Since I was in there, I cleaned the cat boxes and gave them more food. I also had to fish two of their toy mice out of the drain…The shit would really hit the fan if they plugged up the drain with their toys!

I need to get up as early as possible tomorrow as I MUST take a bath before I go to Owatonna tomorrow…I should have taken one today, but I just didn’t have the life-force to do it.

Mom’s wireless is giving me issues tonight, so I am putting my daily entry on a word document. When the fucking server decides to allow me on line again, I will copy and paste. I do not know why it does this. It will be fine for weeks and weeks. Then, suddenly, it will boot me off and refuse to let me on again three or four times a day.