TA: Chapter 3 Notes and Exercises

[chochiyo_sama]

Chapter 3:  The Parent—Critical and Nurturing Me

 

When we were very small, our parents taught us many things—both intentionally and unintentionally. 

 

The Parent is a good part of us.  It tells us what to do when our Child is puzzled.

 

Often we say the things our parents have said to us.  These things are called “Parent Tapes.”  We hear them in our heads exactly as if we heard them on a tape recorder.  They have been handed down from one generation to the next.

 

Critical and Nurturing Parent

 

The Parent has two parts:   One part criticizes us, controls us, protects us, punishes us, and bosses us.  This is the Critical Parent (CP).  The other part, which is helpful, loving, and caring, feeds us, helps us, gives us things, approves, supports, and encourages us, does things for us.  This is the Nurturing Parent  (NP).

 

The CP tells us how and when to do “right” things; it scolds or punishes when we do not do the “right” things. 

 

The NP takes care of you in a loving way—and tells you you are OK just because you exist.

 

If you begin to like and trust yourself, liking and trusting others becomes easy.  Soon others like and trust you.

 

Here are some ways you take care of yourself:

• Ask for what you want.
• Don’t say “no” if you mean “yes.”
• Tell yourself you are okay, even when you fail.
• Give yourself permission to express your feelings in a straight way instead of “swallowing” them.
• Say, “I don’t like it when ****” or “I get angry when ****” instead of “You make me so mad!”
• Own your own feelings
• Allow yourself to have and express feelings of fear, sadness, joy, fun, anger, and pain without feeling guilty.

 

You need to love yourself and take care of your own needs.

 

Exercises

1.         P stands for the PARENT.

2.         P tells CHILD what to do when CHILD is puzzled.

3.         When daddy says, “Don’t talk back to me,” his PARENT is speaking.

4.         The CRITICAL parent is sometimes bossy or critical.

5.         Write down some of your Parent Tapes like Always ________________ or Never __________________

·        Always let the guest have first choice.

·        Never make anyone else feel bad.

·        Do it right or don’t do it at all.

·        God has a big black book, and every time you do something wrong, he writes it down in that book.

·        You’re the oldest.  You should know better.

·        Take care of the others.

·        If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.

·        Children should be seen and not heard.

6.         Tell whether the CP or the NP is talking:

·        You’re being silly.  CP

·        You’re lazy.  CP

·        Don’t do that.  CP

·        Stop that noise.  CP

·        Go to bed this minute.  CP

·        Children should be seen and not heard.  CP

·        Poor child, she’s so shy.  NP

·        She’s such an adorable youngster.  NP

·        Here, darling, eat this nice cookie.  NP

·        Daddy knows best.  NP

·        Honesty is the best policy.  NP

·        You tell me the truth, and if there is any lying to be done, I’ll do it.  NP

·        Be careful when you cross the street.  NP

·        I’m afraid you’ll get hurt.  NP

·        I’ll take care of you.  NP

·        You’re a good guy.  NP

·        Would you like a nice glass of milk?  NP

·        I’ll help you do the dishes.  NP