Still Crazy After All These Years.

For some reason that song is in my head.

So appropriate for me, in particular.  Been crazy all my life...no end in sight...and really wouldn't have it any other way.

I survived the nephew's birthday--in fact, I had a nice time.  It's usually the way it goes for me.  Something I dread and stress over turns out to be not so bad.  While something I look forward to and can't wait for turns out to be a major suck fest.

My mother is disturbingly ill.  She's been on two courses of antibiotics for her pneumonia--and she is hacking and coughing till she pukes or wets her pants.  She looked pale and horrible.  She was doing so much better--but the second she didn't feel like death was imminent, she went out and did yard work for 9 hours--mowing the lawn, raking the grass, weeding the flower beds, weed whacking--and to top it off she climbed up a ladder and washed all the windows.

I asked her, "Are you stupid?"

So, my brother took her to urgent care this morning.  Hopefully they will give her some prednizone (spelling unknown) and more antibiotics.  And perhaps something for the cough.  Codiene.  *drool*  Codiene is GREAT stuff when you have a bad cough. 

I woke up with a killer back ache and zero ambition on the richtor ambition scale.

What I'd really like to do is return to sleep--immediately, if not sooner.

Caleb was in his glory yesterday--he got more presents for his birthday (and nicer, more expensive ones) than any of us got for CHRISTMAS when we were kids.  He got three light sabers, a Darth Vadar mask, and a pile of star wars toys.  He loved the two robot figures I gave him--apparently he slept with Bender last night.  (Bender's the red one.)

My uncle called while we were at the party with disturbing news--my cousin Penny was found murdered in Mason City, Iowa.  Penny was many things--a drug dealer, a stripper, a crack whore, a guest of the federal prison system--so her early and violent demise does not surprise me--but it does make me feel sad--I keep thinking of her as a little girl--big brown eyes, reddish hair the texture of straw--a big gap-toothed grin.  She was bright and cute.  She should have had a better life--but both her parents were alcoholics and violently abusive.  Her father wasn't my uncle--my Aunt Ramona was a slut--anyone, anytime.  Darrell, my uncle, sexually abused Penny--justifying it because "she ain't mine."  Both Ramona and Darrell are dead now--Ramona drank herself to death, literally--she died when she was exactly my age--50.  I went to court when my grandma and the older kids forced her into treatment.  She screeched like a banshee, swore we were all liars--especially the doctors who told her that she'd be dead in a year if she didn't quit drinking.  She looked like an old, crazy woman at that hearing--her skin was mottled and gray then--not the garish grren/black it would turn before she actually died a year and a half later.  Ramona wasn't stupid either.  Yet, her life ended at 50, her body bloated to a shape barely recognizable as human, and her flesh blackish green and covered with festering sores.  ugh.

 

Wat a waste, what a waste--

 

Hmmm Interesting

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Ugh...Noon already

And I have accomplished exactly NOTHING.

Well, I'm turning off the computer NOW and getting to work.

I must get at least the laundry done.

And sack up the garbage and get it ready to haul out--I didn't get it out the last two collection days and it STINKS.

Also, all my lights are burnt out upstairs again, and I need to replace all the bulbs--a chore I hate doing.

Heavy sigh.

I don't want to do anything except lay around and nap.

 

I Can't Believe I Did It AGAIN....sigh....

 

I neither ate nor took my meds until after 5 pm....and as a result, I am depressed and weepy again.

Entirely my own fault and proving, I guess that I am an idiot.

Sigh

In addition, I fell for a scammer today and released my EBAY password to some troll.  Thank goodness, I realized immediately (after I'd already surrendered my password) what I had done.  So, I forwarded the mail to ebay and changed my password.  What an ordeal.

My legs ache from the knees down.

I have no idea what that is all about.

Must be old age.

sigh

I watched The Last Samurai today--or I should say I finished it, as I started watching it last week.  I finally was into it enough to finish it.  It is hard for me to overlook Tom Cruise, whom I regard as a nasty little titch.  He'd be my choice to play my nasty little prick ex-Principal in the story of my life.  hehehehehe  They have the same arrogant, swaggering bullying attitude.

I had hoped to spend a little time with "Buzz" today, but he hasn't been around.  Sigh.

So, I feel lonely, on top of everything else.

My mom went to Urgent Care--they gave her stronger meds and some narcotics so she could sleep at night.

Me, I think I'd like to go check myself into Genrose for a couple weeks.  Hehehehehe

AT least I got a few minor things done.

I got my mail sorted out, and there were very few bills--always a happy thing.

I haven't written out the checks yet as I haven't balanced my checkbook--another one of those things that I just HATE doing.  I'm so phobic about things like that.  I'm so afraid of what I'll discover...and when I actually grit my teeth and DO it, it's generally not so bad.

Maybe I need stronger meds.

Or I need to start consuming large quantities of alcohol....heheheheeh 

Okay--enough morosity.

It does no good.

None whatsoever.

I guess I'll play some Sims 2 and get my mind off real life.

bleah.

 

1954

In 1954 (the year you were born)

Dwight Eisenhower is president of the US Nautilus, the first atomic powered submarine, launches Senator Joseph McCarthy begins leading televised hearings into alleged Communist influence in the Army Roger Bannister, a 25 year old from England, breaks the 4 minute mile with a time of 3:59 Supreme Court rules unanimously that racial segregation in public schools is unconstitutional Hurricane "Carol" hits the Long Island - New England area killing 60 and injuring 1000 Senate condemns Joseph McCarthy for contempt of a Senate elections subcommittee during his Army investigation hearings Playboy magazine issue features Margie Harrison, the first playmate Howard Stern, Oprah Winfrey, Christie Brinkley, John Travolta, and Jerry Seinfeld are born New York Mets win the World Series Cleveland Browns win the NFL championship Detroit Red Wings win the Stanley Cup Lord of the Flies by William G. Golding is published

What Happened the Year You Were Born?

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