Therapy Homework--Chapter One Notes and Answers.

 

TA for Kids (and Grown-ups too)

By Alvyn and Margaret Freed

The book professes to be meant for people between the ages of 9 and 13. It pegs my maturity level, I guess.

According to the introduction, the purpose of this book is to “provide youngsters with the basics of TA knowledge they need to help to understand themselves, t5o cope with their own feelings and the feelings of others in the world.

“When you were born, you were okay, and you are STILL okay.”

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

--Desiderata, 1693

 

There are three “people” inside every person, called the Parent, the Adult, and the Child. The adult is the “wise self” which thinks and knows how to make decisions. The Child is where we live and feel. The Child occupies a great deal of our time and makes many “right now” fun decisions.

The Parent in you believes and behaves like your mother and father believe and behave--but all the people who are important to you when you are very young form the Parent in you. The way they were affects the way you are now.

The Parent in each of us tells us what to do, how and when to do it. The Parent also takes care of us and likes to do things for others.

What is your Parent like?

Impatient

Unkind

Intolerant

Unable to be pleased

Unforgiving

Driven

Perfectionistic

Write down some of the Parent ideas and save them for later.

What is wrong with you?

Can’t you do anything right?

I don’t like you.

You make me sick.

Why do you love to hurt me?

You are stupid (ugly, evil, lazy, worthless, a disappointment, etc.)

Does the Parent in you like to do things for other people? Talk about that. What do you like to do? Why?

Listen

Give advice

Help

Make things better

Comfort

Protect

Feed them.

Why?

Because they need it.

Because someone has to do it.

It needs to be done

It’s my responsibility

I love them.

It makes me feel better.

I want to give them what *I* needed and wanted and didn’t ever have.

Does your Parent sometimes tell other people what to do or what not to do?

Yes. I tell people about mistakes I made, so maybe they can learn from them WITHOUT getting hurt..

Warn people about dangers I perceive in some of the things they are choosing to do--since they do not seem to see the possible outcomes.

Tell people to attempt to do things that they think they cannot do--because I think they CAN. They just lack the belief in themselves.

The Adult is the part of you which thinks, learns and figures things out.

Your adult makes sense, decides what to do, and keeps the other two parts of you out of trouble by looking ahead and avoiding trouble.

The Child is a very strong part of each person. The Child acts very much like you did when you were very young. The Child is the part of you that still has fun and plays.

What are some things your Child likes to do for fun?

Play with my dolls

Draw

Write

Tease and joke

Be a smart aleck.

Walk in puddles

Talk nonsense.

There are all sorts of feelings inside my Child--happy feelings, sad feelings, angry feelings, hurt feelings, excitement, make-believe people, etc. The feelings we have are all part of the Child in each of us.

No matter how old you are, you will always have these three personas inside yourself.

Exercises

1. Who are you?

Apparently I am a child of the Universe.

2. Name the three people or parts inside us.

Parent, Adult, Child

3. In TA terms, what is the difference between a Parent and a parent?

The Parent is the internalized views of significant adults that I have known throughout my life which have become fixtures inside my head, whereas, a parent is just the biological mother or father that is a real and autonomous person.

4. From what you’ve learned so far, why is it important to you to know about the three people inside of you?

Understanding the way they function inside my own head will help me understand myself and others more fully--and lead to making me happier due to getting along better with myself and others.

5. What is the P in you like? The A? The C? How do you behave when one or the other is in charge?

To my own self, the Parent is never satisfied--critical--impatient--and judgmental. To others, my Parent is nurturing, supportive, helpful, compassionate, encouraging, and accepting.

The Adult is generally pretty reliable. It knows the score, but is often drowned out by the harping of the inner Parent. The Child likes to play, is creative and clever and witty and funny, but is often sad and feels unloved and unlovable. The child is very cautious and doesn’t give people the opportunity to reject or hurt it very often.