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Strange Dreams
Dec. 21st, 2008 12:07 amIt has been an odd day. I couldn't seem to wake up this morning. I ended up sleeping until like 1:30 pm.
I should have gotten up and driven to Kasson to pick up my prescriptions. I should have gotten up and gone downstairs to eat and take my meds. I didn't. I stayed in bed and slept. I got up around 2 pm to take a bath. Then I put away some laundry and other stuff upstairs. It was nearly 6 pm when I went downstairs and made myself a balogna sandwich and ate some peanuts. I watched The Family Man, which is the movie that made me stop thinking that Nicholaus Cage was ugly. The movie is sort of like It's a Wonderful Life, except backwards.
I came back upstairs and read a little bit, then fell asleep again. When I woke up, I had no idea what time it was--I thought it might be about 2 am. However, it was only about 10:30. During that sleep, I had disjointed and near-nightmare dreams. In one, I was in a college dorm and I was getting ready to leave as I had no money to continue. I had two cats, and no cat carrier to take them out with. I had wrapped Komet in a sweater to keep her from struggling, and the other cat was my son--only in the dream, he was younger than Komet. I was just carrying him. I had to put them down to go back for something--I think it was a jacket. For some reason, I left the door open. I don't know why I would do that--in real life I would certainly have shut it.
Whatever I had to go back for took longer to find that I thought it would--and by the time I was done, Mitz had disappeared. I was afraid someone had taken him downstairs and thrown him outside. I was sure he'd wander away and I would never find him again. I was out in the hallway, asking all these people if they had seen him--and they all just kept on walking. No one responded. Finally, I just started calling him and calling him. And miraculously--he would NEVER come in real life--he came trotting down the hall to me from the stair well.
BTW--I was in Richards Hall (the dorm I was in my last year at WSU).
Then I was at Ellendale High School--in the now defunct building which used to exist when I was in school. I was in the gym, and several of my kids from school were there with me. The kids were either up in the bleachers talking or up on stage wandering around or shooting baskets. I was by the wall where a bunch of old file boxes full of ancient files were stacked up. There were pictures and video clips and all kinds of things left over from the years that *I* was a high school student.
The kids kept asking me to show them pictures of myself from my high school career, and I told them, "Kids, when I was your age, I thought I was so disgustingly fat and ugly that I did not allow myself to be captured on film. What a shame."
Sadly, that was true. Now I look back at the few images that exist of me as a kid and as an adolescent, and I see I was not that much bigger than my peers. Nor was I ugly.
Ah, the power of self hatred!
At some point, the dream changed, and I was back IN high school. But someone had taken my shoes and hidden them. It was cold outside and wet and nasty. I went looking for my shoes in the room across from the library--it was an enormous room that could be divided into two classrooms by pulling a heavy plastic curtain across the middle. All along the wall, there were shoes lined up. These were supposedly all shoes that had been left behind by kids and which had been lined up for kids to go in and find their shoes.
I was looking for my shoes in particular, but I would have taken any shoes that fit.
There was some sort of meeting going on in there--the room was filled with adults--I think they were all teachers--sitting in the chairs. A woman was at the teacher's desk; she seemed young and inexperienced. I didn't know her.
I asked her if I could just take a pair of shoes till tomorrow, so I didn't have to go outside without shoes. She said, "They are not my shoes to give."
I said, "I won't keep them--I'll bring them back tomorrow!"
She must have acquiesed because I was sitting behind her chair, sorting through shoes, trying to find a pair that would work for me--some were too big. Others were too small or too pointy or had high heels. There were several pairs of mocassins which were too dirty. They had greasy feet marks in them and were gross.
While I was sitting behind this teacher's desk and sorting through shoes, a nasty woman came walking up through the aisle--she was a parent of some kid and evil just rippled off her. She was the evil queen from Snow White! Only she was real looking and not a cartoon. freaky.
I had a feeling she had come to raise hell at this meeting, but I didn't know what about. I just wanted to find some shoes that fit and get the hell out of there!
Then the dreamscape shifted again, and I was in my living room. I was either reading a book or looking at a magazine, sitting in my big "capt. Kirk" chair. Instead of being where it is, it was on the opposite wall of the door and facing the door. It was bad weather in my dream--snowing and blowing and cold. I had dozed off in my chair, and when I woke up, I heard someone knocking on the door. I called, "Come in," and I saw my nephew Caleb come in the front door and approach the door to the dining room. I jumped out of the chair and ran to open the door. He looked confused and like something was wrong. I said, "Caleb! What are you doing here? Where's your coat?" He looked up at me and looked like he was going to cry. Then he just disappeared. I looked outside expecting to see Jack and Kari's car--but there was nothing there. Caleb was just gone. I looked around the porch and my downstairs, but I knew he hadn't gone anywhere. He had just vanished like smoke.
I was very disturbed by this dream and woke up. It was midnight, but if it had been any earlier, I would have called Jack and Kari and check in on him to make sure he was okay. I hate dreams like that.
I should have gotten up and driven to Kasson to pick up my prescriptions. I should have gotten up and gone downstairs to eat and take my meds. I didn't. I stayed in bed and slept. I got up around 2 pm to take a bath. Then I put away some laundry and other stuff upstairs. It was nearly 6 pm when I went downstairs and made myself a balogna sandwich and ate some peanuts. I watched The Family Man, which is the movie that made me stop thinking that Nicholaus Cage was ugly. The movie is sort of like It's a Wonderful Life, except backwards.
I came back upstairs and read a little bit, then fell asleep again. When I woke up, I had no idea what time it was--I thought it might be about 2 am. However, it was only about 10:30. During that sleep, I had disjointed and near-nightmare dreams. In one, I was in a college dorm and I was getting ready to leave as I had no money to continue. I had two cats, and no cat carrier to take them out with. I had wrapped Komet in a sweater to keep her from struggling, and the other cat was my son--only in the dream, he was younger than Komet. I was just carrying him. I had to put them down to go back for something--I think it was a jacket. For some reason, I left the door open. I don't know why I would do that--in real life I would certainly have shut it.
Whatever I had to go back for took longer to find that I thought it would--and by the time I was done, Mitz had disappeared. I was afraid someone had taken him downstairs and thrown him outside. I was sure he'd wander away and I would never find him again. I was out in the hallway, asking all these people if they had seen him--and they all just kept on walking. No one responded. Finally, I just started calling him and calling him. And miraculously--he would NEVER come in real life--he came trotting down the hall to me from the stair well.
BTW--I was in Richards Hall (the dorm I was in my last year at WSU).
Then I was at Ellendale High School--in the now defunct building which used to exist when I was in school. I was in the gym, and several of my kids from school were there with me. The kids were either up in the bleachers talking or up on stage wandering around or shooting baskets. I was by the wall where a bunch of old file boxes full of ancient files were stacked up. There were pictures and video clips and all kinds of things left over from the years that *I* was a high school student.
The kids kept asking me to show them pictures of myself from my high school career, and I told them, "Kids, when I was your age, I thought I was so disgustingly fat and ugly that I did not allow myself to be captured on film. What a shame."
Sadly, that was true. Now I look back at the few images that exist of me as a kid and as an adolescent, and I see I was not that much bigger than my peers. Nor was I ugly.
Ah, the power of self hatred!
At some point, the dream changed, and I was back IN high school. But someone had taken my shoes and hidden them. It was cold outside and wet and nasty. I went looking for my shoes in the room across from the library--it was an enormous room that could be divided into two classrooms by pulling a heavy plastic curtain across the middle. All along the wall, there were shoes lined up. These were supposedly all shoes that had been left behind by kids and which had been lined up for kids to go in and find their shoes.
I was looking for my shoes in particular, but I would have taken any shoes that fit.
There was some sort of meeting going on in there--the room was filled with adults--I think they were all teachers--sitting in the chairs. A woman was at the teacher's desk; she seemed young and inexperienced. I didn't know her.
I asked her if I could just take a pair of shoes till tomorrow, so I didn't have to go outside without shoes. She said, "They are not my shoes to give."
I said, "I won't keep them--I'll bring them back tomorrow!"
She must have acquiesed because I was sitting behind her chair, sorting through shoes, trying to find a pair that would work for me--some were too big. Others were too small or too pointy or had high heels. There were several pairs of mocassins which were too dirty. They had greasy feet marks in them and were gross.
While I was sitting behind this teacher's desk and sorting through shoes, a nasty woman came walking up through the aisle--she was a parent of some kid and evil just rippled off her. She was the evil queen from Snow White! Only she was real looking and not a cartoon. freaky.
I had a feeling she had come to raise hell at this meeting, but I didn't know what about. I just wanted to find some shoes that fit and get the hell out of there!
Then the dreamscape shifted again, and I was in my living room. I was either reading a book or looking at a magazine, sitting in my big "capt. Kirk" chair. Instead of being where it is, it was on the opposite wall of the door and facing the door. It was bad weather in my dream--snowing and blowing and cold. I had dozed off in my chair, and when I woke up, I heard someone knocking on the door. I called, "Come in," and I saw my nephew Caleb come in the front door and approach the door to the dining room. I jumped out of the chair and ran to open the door. He looked confused and like something was wrong. I said, "Caleb! What are you doing here? Where's your coat?" He looked up at me and looked like he was going to cry. Then he just disappeared. I looked outside expecting to see Jack and Kari's car--but there was nothing there. Caleb was just gone. I looked around the porch and my downstairs, but I knew he hadn't gone anywhere. He had just vanished like smoke.
I was very disturbed by this dream and woke up. It was midnight, but if it had been any earlier, I would have called Jack and Kari and check in on him to make sure he was okay. I hate dreams like that.
