Gah.

[chochiyo_sama]

I have to go to the post office to get my mail.

I hate the post office and I hate going there.

I think I must have been molested or assaulted or possibly probed by an alien in the post office when I was a child--and I have blocked the experience.  It's the only answer for WHY I have this almost PHOBIC reaction to even the THOUGHT of going to the post office. 

Maybe, in a past life, I was bitten by a poisonous snake that had somehow crawled into my po box and died in horrific agony, swelling to the size of a hot air balloon and turning green and black before bursting and expiring in a mass of writhing entrails.

It HAD to be something like that.

At least the window is now closed, and I do not have to be glared at by the scary postmistress who hates me because I never pick up my mail until I have to.

It's been two weeks today--and I'm only going because I know my check is in there.

*shudder*

GLOOM

I also have to put all my bills in the mail.  So my creditors do not charge me late fees or something hideous.  Like call me on the phone or send me a GASP....second billing.....EEEEEEK!

Money IS the DEVIL.  Money is EVOL

Well, the one good thing is that MAYBE my package from Florida has arrived--20 little Kelly dolls that I bought off ebay.  AAwwwww.....they are SOoooOOOooo cute.  I can hardly wait to sew some clothes for them (as I think most of them are coming to me starkers.  We can't have that!!)

Okay.

I got my statement from my credit union.  I owe $5,141.56 on my car.  Not bad, considering I paid like $16,000+ for it.  I figured out that if I could pay $300/month on it, I could have it mostly paid for within 18 months.  A little interest will accrue, but I only have 5% interest on the loan, so it won't accrue very much.  I HAVE to pay $260/month on it.  Once I get that sucker paid off, I can start working on my credit card debt.  All together, I think that is about 5,000.  But I'm not 100% sure on that.  I'd have to look.  I have cut up all of my credit cards, so that debt is static--other than interest and the occasional fucking LATE CHARGE because I am almost as phobic about sitting down and paying my bills as I am going to the Fucking Post Office.

It's so frustrating.  I HAVE THE MONEY.  I just cannot force myself to sit down and PAY THE BLOODY BILLS.  WHY???

I do not understand it.  It is simply ridiculous.  I hate it so much that sometimes I even puke while paying the bills.  What is up with that?? 

Happy news--TODAY I paid my bills and I didn't puke...but I couldn't force myself to do it until about 4:30.  My hands shook, and I felt nauseated the whole time.

WHY????

Is there a psychiatrist in the house?

An exorcist?

This is so fucking abnormal and insane.  It makes me CRAZY.  And it costs me a lot of money--because TWO of my bills, both fucking credit cards, are gonna be paid late.  And that is a $39 late charge for each of them.  That's almost $100 that I could have put on my CAR.

I swear, there are days that if I could split myself into two people--like the late great Duo Damsel--I would have my selves take turns beating each other purple and green with bamboo sticks. 

Why do I do this?

I don't know.

It's pathological, apparently.

Well, I ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO get my sorry ass down to the post office and get my mail so I can mail off the bills and put my check into the bank.

GRRRR.

On the bright side--I have invited Jim and DeAnn to be my guests at the Chinese restaurant in Kasson tonight.  I feel like I need some comfort food after today's traumas, and there is nothing more comforting that a nice plate of walnut shrimp and a big helping of sauteed mushrooms and rice.

yummy