chochiyo_sama

I am just off the phone with Tammy, my little sister.  She is having a depression/anxiety day and has been crying all day long.  In a weakened state myself, I joined her in the tearfest--and we spent about twenty minutes bawling our heads off over the phone. 

Her issues are all wrapped up in her anxiety disorder--whereas mine are the more garden variety type of malaise.  Financial ruin--complete failure as a human being--lack of hope or light for the future--the usual.

Heh.

I don't think my financial situation would be as painful to me if I didn't work SO FUCKING HARD ALL THE TIME!!  It is so difficult to look around my house and know there isn't even anything I COULD sell to make a little money to make ends meet.

I'm so tired of being so miserably poor all the time.

I'm so tired of always having to CHOOSE who gets paid this time and who doesn't.

I'm so tired of having 25 years of experience and working my ass off--and having to choose between buying groceries and paying the phone bill.

When does it get better?

Does it get better?

If so, when??

I feel so completely alone in the world.

I have NO ONE to turn to--not really.  If I asked, my mother would probably give me some money--but Jesus H. Christ!  I'm fifty years old!  I should be able to live ON MY OWN!!

I have a college degree--a couple of them!  WHY don't teachers make enough money to support themselves?

If I were married, then it would probably be better--two incomes would make a world of difference.

but I'm not--and there's about as much chance of me getting married as there is of a snowball fight in hell.

Tammy suggested taking in a renter--but who would that be?

I'm just so fucking tired of working ALL THE TIME and having NOTHING to show for it.

DAmmit.