Weekend Update
Feb. 11th, 2007 11:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chochiyo_samaIt's been a productive weekend for me.
On Friday, Jim and DeAnn picked me up at school in their groovy little pick up.
They brought my free table home. It's a nice table. Unfortunately the kids were careless while it was sitting in the hallway and it got a few scratches on it--but it is a cute table--reddish wood top and green legs. It isn't expandable--but it is a good size. I thought it would work great for a sewing table.
We went for supper at Carlos O'Kelley's. I had a sea food enchilada, but it wasn't very impressive. It didn't taste bad--it just didn't have any real taste at all. I will never get that again. I should have got my usual--the spinach enchilada with fajita chicken. THAT is always awesome.
They dropped me off at home and I did a little sewing.
I finished the Marley "blue" swap for Chris Brown--and I cut out some of the stuff for the "Winter" swap with Doris O. I'm making a cool pair of dark blue bibs with faint star print on them. And under that will be a cool white fabric with tons and tons of stars on it.
I cut out one for her and one for me. The smart way. :)
I cut out another pair of bibs in that "candy message heart" print that worked up so very cute to keep for my own Marley.
On Saturday, I got up at 6 am and hit the house hard, since I was expecting the Direct TV people to come and install the satellite TV. It's the first time I have had TV in my house in YEARS. It's kinda cool to turn on the TV and see actual clear pictures. I've watched a lot of HGTV and TLC.
I cleaned up my bedroom first--spent an hour and a half in here, sifting through stuff, clearing out stuff, stacking stuff neatly. Then I scrubbed the hallway because the cat had puked in it about three times--It was one puking event with three little splots of puke. At least she didn't do it on the bed.
Downstairs, I made bacon and eggs and fried potatoes for a late breakfast. I sorted my laundry and got it going. I picked up clutter and vaccuumed the Living room and dining room. I had a TON of dishes, since I don't think I washed them all week. I cleared the old crap out of the refrigerator. I sacked up a ton of garbage.
The satellite tv guys came to hook up the Direct TV. It was amazing to me to watch actual TV in my own house after all these years.
I don't recall what all else I did--but I know I worked all day.
DeAnn and Jim came over while the satellite guys were there. We watched them work and chatted with them a bit. I invited Jim and DeAnn over for supper after we joked that they'd be coming over a lot more often now that I had satellite tv. Ha ha.
So, I decided to make either lasagna or mexican crescent bake. Both delicious.
They left, and I cleaned some more--then I got a call from them saying they were taking DeAnn's car out for a drive because it wouldn't start earlier and they just wanted it to run a bit--and they were going to Dairy Queen for a blizzard. They invited me to join them. So, I got a small turtlette blizzard. It was delicious. The pecans were fat and fresh and just the right degree of roasted and salted.
They dropped me back at home and I drove to Owatonna and got groceries. I got the stuff to make both of the dishes we had discussed, and I invited them to dinner Saturday AND Sunday. It was the first time I had had guests for supper in eons--over a year, I'm sure.
The mexican crescent bake turned out awesome. I served it with a green salad and a small fruit cup.
then we watched TLC "Flip that House" for four or five hours. It was great. I love that stuff.
I do have to get another chair in the living room though.
I sat on the floor and sewed and let my guests have the only two chairs. I like to sit on the floor so it wasn't that big a deal.
This morning, I got up at about 7:30 am. I just didn't have the same level of motivation today that I had yesterday. At about 11, I headed to Kasson to get oregano, which I forgot yesterday. I ended up spending over twenty bucks--got some kleenex and ricotta cheese for the lasagna and popcorn, since I was out of that too.
When I got home, I baked cookies. I bagged over half up for Jim and DeAnn to take home. I ate a few in dough and fresh from the oven. I hate to brag (actually I don't hate it), but I do make the best chocolate chip cookies IN THE UNIVERSE. No brag. Just fact.
Then I made lasagna.
As I cooked, I also did laundry.
When the lasagna was in the oven, I swept and scrubbed the ktchen floor. It was filthy and needed it badly.
Jim and DeAnn arrived then, and we chatted a bit. They didn't stay long after supper since DeAnn had stuff she needed to do for school.
I vacuumed up the little pile of drilling debris. It took quite a while, since it seemed to embed itself into the carpet.
I washed up all the dishes.
Then I came upstairs, took a bath that was so hot that I think I cooked my ass, and washed my hair.
I tried to go to bed, but stuff is rattling around in my head--finally I puked a while--now I feel better. I seem to have to puke when I am stressed. And I'm not even sure what I am stressed about.
Part of it is seeing the therapist tomorrow I am sure. I sure do not want to waste another hour of my life, sitting there staring at her.
I hope she is a little bit more helpful at priming the pump tomorrow.
I guess I will tell her about my religious motif dreams and see what she has to say about that. Maybe we will explore my love/hate relationship with religion.
AFter the bath, I put away all my clean clothes. I have laid out clothes for tomorrow--and my oatmeal complete with cinnamon, raisins, and almonds is in the microwave, ready for water to be added before nuking it.
Now, I think I can sleep.
It is after midnight, meaning I will get less than six hours of sleep tonight, which SUCKS, but what are you gong to do? I am still really warm from that very hot bath--uncomfortably warm.
The stalker called me three times today--but I didn't take her call the first two times. :D
That's it from me, I guess.
On Friday, Jim and DeAnn picked me up at school in their groovy little pick up.
They brought my free table home. It's a nice table. Unfortunately the kids were careless while it was sitting in the hallway and it got a few scratches on it--but it is a cute table--reddish wood top and green legs. It isn't expandable--but it is a good size. I thought it would work great for a sewing table.
We went for supper at Carlos O'Kelley's. I had a sea food enchilada, but it wasn't very impressive. It didn't taste bad--it just didn't have any real taste at all. I will never get that again. I should have got my usual--the spinach enchilada with fajita chicken. THAT is always awesome.
They dropped me off at home and I did a little sewing.
I finished the Marley "blue" swap for Chris Brown--and I cut out some of the stuff for the "Winter" swap with Doris O. I'm making a cool pair of dark blue bibs with faint star print on them. And under that will be a cool white fabric with tons and tons of stars on it.
I cut out one for her and one for me. The smart way. :)
I cut out another pair of bibs in that "candy message heart" print that worked up so very cute to keep for my own Marley.
On Saturday, I got up at 6 am and hit the house hard, since I was expecting the Direct TV people to come and install the satellite TV. It's the first time I have had TV in my house in YEARS. It's kinda cool to turn on the TV and see actual clear pictures. I've watched a lot of HGTV and TLC.
I cleaned up my bedroom first--spent an hour and a half in here, sifting through stuff, clearing out stuff, stacking stuff neatly. Then I scrubbed the hallway because the cat had puked in it about three times--It was one puking event with three little splots of puke. At least she didn't do it on the bed.
Downstairs, I made bacon and eggs and fried potatoes for a late breakfast. I sorted my laundry and got it going. I picked up clutter and vaccuumed the Living room and dining room. I had a TON of dishes, since I don't think I washed them all week. I cleared the old crap out of the refrigerator. I sacked up a ton of garbage.
The satellite tv guys came to hook up the Direct TV. It was amazing to me to watch actual TV in my own house after all these years.
I don't recall what all else I did--but I know I worked all day.
DeAnn and Jim came over while the satellite guys were there. We watched them work and chatted with them a bit. I invited Jim and DeAnn over for supper after we joked that they'd be coming over a lot more often now that I had satellite tv. Ha ha.
So, I decided to make either lasagna or mexican crescent bake. Both delicious.
They left, and I cleaned some more--then I got a call from them saying they were taking DeAnn's car out for a drive because it wouldn't start earlier and they just wanted it to run a bit--and they were going to Dairy Queen for a blizzard. They invited me to join them. So, I got a small turtlette blizzard. It was delicious. The pecans were fat and fresh and just the right degree of roasted and salted.
They dropped me back at home and I drove to Owatonna and got groceries. I got the stuff to make both of the dishes we had discussed, and I invited them to dinner Saturday AND Sunday. It was the first time I had had guests for supper in eons--over a year, I'm sure.
The mexican crescent bake turned out awesome. I served it with a green salad and a small fruit cup.
then we watched TLC "Flip that House" for four or five hours. It was great. I love that stuff.
I do have to get another chair in the living room though.
I sat on the floor and sewed and let my guests have the only two chairs. I like to sit on the floor so it wasn't that big a deal.
This morning, I got up at about 7:30 am. I just didn't have the same level of motivation today that I had yesterday. At about 11, I headed to Kasson to get oregano, which I forgot yesterday. I ended up spending over twenty bucks--got some kleenex and ricotta cheese for the lasagna and popcorn, since I was out of that too.
When I got home, I baked cookies. I bagged over half up for Jim and DeAnn to take home. I ate a few in dough and fresh from the oven. I hate to brag (actually I don't hate it), but I do make the best chocolate chip cookies IN THE UNIVERSE. No brag. Just fact.
Then I made lasagna.
As I cooked, I also did laundry.
When the lasagna was in the oven, I swept and scrubbed the ktchen floor. It was filthy and needed it badly.
Jim and DeAnn arrived then, and we chatted a bit. They didn't stay long after supper since DeAnn had stuff she needed to do for school.
I vacuumed up the little pile of drilling debris. It took quite a while, since it seemed to embed itself into the carpet.
I washed up all the dishes.
Then I came upstairs, took a bath that was so hot that I think I cooked my ass, and washed my hair.
I tried to go to bed, but stuff is rattling around in my head--finally I puked a while--now I feel better. I seem to have to puke when I am stressed. And I'm not even sure what I am stressed about.
Part of it is seeing the therapist tomorrow I am sure. I sure do not want to waste another hour of my life, sitting there staring at her.
I hope she is a little bit more helpful at priming the pump tomorrow.
I guess I will tell her about my religious motif dreams and see what she has to say about that. Maybe we will explore my love/hate relationship with religion.
AFter the bath, I put away all my clean clothes. I have laid out clothes for tomorrow--and my oatmeal complete with cinnamon, raisins, and almonds is in the microwave, ready for water to be added before nuking it.
Now, I think I can sleep.
It is after midnight, meaning I will get less than six hours of sleep tonight, which SUCKS, but what are you gong to do? I am still really warm from that very hot bath--uncomfortably warm.
The stalker called me three times today--but I didn't take her call the first two times. :D
That's it from me, I guess.
I Love HGTV!
Date: 2007-02-12 07:52 am (UTC)Do you get Animal Planet? Check to see if you do. If you do check your listings for Friday night. Look for Meerkat Manor. You have to start watching Meerkat Manor. You have to. Trust me. They're in repeats of season one and two. They'll probably repeat one more time or two before the new season three starts in September. You have to watch this show. For an hour on Friday night you sit in front of the TV, sew your doll clothes and watch Meerkat Manor. Make an appointment for yourself. Don't pick up the phone. Don't go out and do anything. Don't clean. Just you and the Meerkats. Trust me on this. You trust me, don't you? Have I ever steered you wrong?
You are going to have to stop expecting your therapist to solve your problems. You have to solve them. She just helps you identify what it is that is really bothering you and helps you develop a way to deal with it in a healthy way. She can't help you if you don't talk. You have to open up. You have to be honest and tell her everything, especially if you're pissed. For me it was feeling helpless to control aspects of my life. Once I identified what was bothering me, I developed a way to take control (a plan of action) and I was much happier.
The reason you are tied in knots is your anxiety in opening up to the therapist. Yes, its going to hurt to get it out. I'm sure you anticipate this and that's what your body is reacting to. I spent some sessions in tears, trying to explain what I felt. It hurt to express those feelings. But afterwards it felt better. Once I had expressed what was eating at me, I could then develop a plan. That put *me* in control. I was no longer a helpless victim. I was the one in control. One part of taking control was telling my mother I would not be held to a timetable for dinner every Sunday night. If I was busy, I wouldn't come. And that it wasn't a doctor's appointment. So don't call to make sure I've left the house to be there at 5 pm on the dot. And if I'm a few minutes late, I don't want to hear about it. It also allowed me to identify how my parents try to control through money. They also express love through money. But my relationship with my parents is better now that I've basically stood up to them and laid down the rules.
And I am very PROUD of you for putting off the stalker.
(And don't forget Meerkat Manor!)
Re: I Love HGTV!
Date: 2007-02-12 05:20 pm (UTC)Yeah, there are a couple of things I know I should talk to the therapist about--but I don't want to because they are too painful and I don't have a lot of trust in her yet.
One is the sadness of never having my own family--my own children. Anytime I speak of it or think about it, I start crying.
Nothing anyone can do about it. Some people tell me, Well, you are like a mom to many of your kids and some of your friends.
To which I reply--"It is not the same."
It isn't filling the Christmas stockings or making an easter basket or watching a sunday school program and catching the eye of a little brown-eyed boy or girl who waves at ME and mouths, "Hi mom."
How do you fix that sort of emptiness and disappointment?
You can't.
You just cope with it the best you can.
So, what's the point of telling all that to a complete stranger? I don't know.
I have told it to enough trusted friends--so I accept that it exists. I don't really want to wail hysterically for the children who were never born in the oh-so-perfect office of my new therapist.
Sigh
I suppose I could tell her about how my mom stiffens up when I hug her but is somehow able to hug my brother no matter what the circumstances are....
Life is hard.