(no subject)

[chochiyo_sama]

The Assertiveness Questionnaire

To identify situations where you need to learn to be more assertive, check the items that apply to you and rate the comfort levels for you in Column B.

 

                                    1 = comfortable

                                    2 = mildly uncomfortable

                                    3 = moderately uncomfortable

                                    4 = very uncomfortable

                                    5 = unbearably uncomfortable

 

When do you behave nonassertively?

 

X         3          Asking for help

X         1-4       Stating a difference of opinion (it depends on who is involved and what                          the circumstances are.)

X         4-5       Hearing or expressing negative feelings

            1          Hearing or expressing positive feelings

X         2-4       Dealing with someone who refuses to cooperate.  (depends)

X         4-5       Speaking up about something that annoys you.  (To the relevant persons)

            1          Talking when all eyes are on you.

X         2-3       Protesting a “rip-off”

X         2-5       Saying no (depends)

X         3-4       Responding to undeserved criticism

X         2-4       Making requests of authority figures.

X         4          Negotiating for something you want.

X         2          Having to take charge.

X         2-4       Asking for cooperation (depends on who I am asking and what I am                             asking them to cooperate with.)

            1          Proposing an idea

            1          Asking questions

X         3-4       Dealing with attempts to make you feel guilty.  (depends on who’s doing it

                        and why)

X         2-3       Asking for service

X         1-5       Asking for a date or appointment.  (Depends.  Got no trouble asking for an

                        appointment.  Asking for a date?  Hahahah.  I’d rather eat fire.)

X         4-5       Asking for favors

 

Who are the people with whom you are nonassertive?

I have been  both assertive and nonassertive with most of the people on the list.  It really depends on the issue.

X         Parents (about things that are really personally important to me, I am not

            assertive.  Regarding lesser things…such as politics…I am)

X         Fellow workers/classmates (not so much)

X         Strangers (mostly about asking them to stop doing something irritating.)

X         Old Friends (not so much)

            Spouse or significant other (don’t have one)

X         Employer (not so much now)

X         Relatives (basically, I avoid all my arrogant religious fanatic relatives.  It’s better             for everyone.)

X         Children (with children, I am not assertive because I don’t want to step on their             parents’ toes.  Sometimes, I snap and yell at all of them.  Ha ha.)

X         Acquaintances (mainly in not being more forthcoming in asking them to take a    hike when they are pestering me when I’m trying to do something.)

X         Salespeople (not so much)

X         More than 2-3 people in a group (depends on who they are and what their role in          my life is.)

 

What do you want that you have been unable to achieve with nonassertive styles.

Approval for things you’ve done well…eh—I have lots of approval already.

To get help with certain tasks…eh—it takes longer to tell people what to do than to just do it myself.

More attention from or time with your partner—eh.  Don’t have one.

To be listened to and understood.  This I would like with my family.  I feel pretty good about this at my job—and perhaps with my stalker.

To make boring or frustrating situations more satisfying.  I don’t think I have a big problem with this, but it sounds good.

To not have to be nice all the time.  Basically, I AM nice all the time.  There are days when I would like to kick people though or just ask them to leave me alone so I can get some stuff done..

Confidence in speaking up when something is important to you.  Yes—especially this one. 

Greater comfort with strangers, store clerks, mechanics, and so on.  Don’t have much trouble with these people either.

Confidence in asking for contact with people you find attractive.  Hmmm….I would just like to feel entitled to HAVE contact with someone in that way.  I better get that feeling of entitlement before I work on having confidence to have contact with them.

To get a new job, ask for interviews, raises, and so on.  Eh—I’m content with my current job and feel  that I am fairly treated there.

Comfort with people who supervise you or work under you.  I worship my boss.  And I am pretty comfortable with the kids I work with.  There are a couple of faculty people whom I’d like to be able to communicate better with.

To not feel angry and bitter a lot of the time.  Bingo.  We have a winner.

To overcome a feeling of helplessness and the sense that nothing ever really changes.  Bingo.  Winner number two.

To initiate satisfying sexual experiences.  Eek.  I don’t even feel entitled to a relationship with a man—much less a satisfying sexual experience with one.

To do something totally different and novel.  I can do this from time to time.  But I’d like to have the sense of entitlement to do it more often.

To have time by yourself.  I do have quite a bit of time by myself—but it is often interrupted, and I always feel guilty about it—and as if there is something else I SHOULD be doing.

To do things that are fun or relaxing for you.  Yes.  And to feel entitled to them.

Comments

Lots of analysis here.

[the_godiva]

She's been giving you a lot of analysis.

When is she going to start talking about making plans to address the issues you've identified?

Re: Lots of analysis here.

[chochiyo-sama.livejournal.com]

She has a little bit already--some roll playing where I'm supposed to tell her what I would say in the situation and she tells me NO! or YES!

haha

We'll be doing more of that tomorrow when I go back.