I PUT YOU DOWN BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO HEAVY TO PICK UP
STUPIDITY lies in the eyes of the beholder. Guess that's why everyone is staring at YOU.
PLEASE--it's impolite to stare at a Grown Man who talks to himself.
I wash my hands of the whole stupid mess.
Freud would have a field day.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
If I've spent 1/3 of my life asleep, why am I so tired?
It's hard to follow your dreams when your life is a nightmare.
Thank you in advance for not commenting on my appearance.
Unconditional love is so expensive.
I'm sorry, but I don't know any words small enough for you to understand.
If I kiss you, will you turn into someone normal?
One shoe can change your life.
I finally figured out who let the dogs out, and no one cares anymore.
Why do cat people always try to convert dog people?
Why don't you just grow up?
Be good to your family and friends. You may need them to change your bedpan someday.
To err is human, to forgive, divine. Neither is Marine Corps policy.
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." (Mary Ann Randmacher)
Raising a teenager is like trying to nail jello to a tree.
The problem with Italian food is, 3-4 days later, you're hungry again.
God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
Please, don't clean up my mess. You'll confuse me and screw up my world.
A woman is like a teabag. You never know how strong it is until it's in hot water. (Eleanor Roosevelt)
My aim is to keep the bathroom clean. Your aim would help.
I don't want to. I don't have to. You can't make me.
SHUT UP VOICES! OR I'LL POKE YOU WITH A Q-TIP AGAIN!
No job, no car, no money--BUT I'M IN A BAND!!
I avoid old people because they're trying to steal my youth by sucking it out of the back of my neck.
Sarcasm, just one more service I offer.
Catholic School Survivor.
I'm only wearing black until they make something darker.
Yes, it IS always about ME.
I smell something burning. Have you been thinking again?
I've stopped listening. Why haven't you stopped talking?
Even if the voices are not real, they have some pretty good ideas.
Tell me again how lucky I am to work here. I KEEP FORGETTING.
A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.
I see you're playing stupid again. Looks like you're winning too.
It's better to have loved and lost than to live with the psycho for the rest of your life.
Change is for people who are not already PERFECT.
Top 10 Reasons to Procrastinate....1......
Destined for Greatness
Out Past my Curfew.
Did you find the short pier yet?
Compensating for something.
I only hang out with people who make me look good.
I am being followed right now.
I've forgotten more things than you've learned.
I put the FUN is dysfunctional.
I could drive a psychiatrist crazy.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
Proud descendant of Cavemen
What's that awful smell?
People make mistakes. Who made you?
The axis of evil: Cars, Booze, Television
I live in the state of confusion.
Avid Indoorsman
Live is short. What's your point?
Even my issues have issues.
I grew up just in time to grow old.
You lost me at hello.
Monday is a four letter word.
I have no idea what I am doing out of bed.
I didn't say it was your FAULT. I said I was going to BLAME you.
Ask not for whom the dog barks. It barks for thee.
Don't make me come out there! Dog
BEWARE: Dog can't hold his licker.
Another day in PARADISE
They say I have ADD, but they just don't understand...oh! Look! A chicken!
Good morning is an oxymoron.
Don't annoy the anger management class dropout.
Who are you, and why are you reading my shirt?
Make it idiot proof, and someone will make a better idiot.
Work for God. The retirement benefits are great.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
ANTICROMBIE
Has anyone ever just hauled off and hit you?
If you are too open minded, your brain will fall out.
Sometimes I think to myself, "How DO I do it?"
I'm lost, but I'm making good time.
What if the hokey pokey IS what it's all about?
Jesus loves you--but I'm his favorite.
Just be happy I'm not a twin.
Who needs a therapist?
Manure Occureth
Life is a poor substitute for Video Games.
Do you know the muffin man?
Ah, TV respects me. It laughs with me, not at me.
Just because I don't care, doesn't mean I don't understand.
I like the real Saturdays. Unlike that fake Saturday that almost got me fired....
I'm not speeding--I'm qualifying!
I am the MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE--in my own mind.
Underneath this plain exterior is an awesomely plain interior!
My secret weapon is total indifference.
Strong like a lion! Brain like a tsetse fly.
Piano Lesson Dropout
I come from a long line of dedicated slackers.
Haven't been there. Haven't done that. Don't care!
I love making people happy. So shut up and let me do it!
Honorary Ooompa Looompa
Look what lots of therapy can do!
I make up my own dance moves!
Here's a little hint: I don't care.
I eat three servings of vegetables a day: Catsup, Catsup, and Catsup.
I have multiple personalities, and NONE of them like you.
Physique of a Greek god. Personality of a turnip
Things were going okay until you showed up.
Don't take life so seriously. It isn't like it's permanent!
Who stole my mojo?
Of course I'm in great shape! I play Rock, Paper, Scissors!
A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge!
Old age hasn't slowed me down. I was always this slow.
Life is too short to cook for people like you.
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