A Strange Experience.

I had a very odd thing happen to me last night. 

I am at my mom's house--arrived here Wednesday night and will probably go home either Friday evening or Saturday morning.

Anyhow--after I went to my room and got done messing with my sewing stuff, I snuggled down under the covers, turned to my left, and curled up.  I had pulled the covers up around my shoulders and cuddled into my pillows--then--I had a very strange experience.

I had a sense of warmth and pressure across my shoulder and down my right arm.  What it felt like was that someone  had crawled into bed next to me, "spooned" me with his face on the pillow right next to my head, and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, drapping his right arm along mine.  It felt like a man because of the weight and length of the invisible "arm" that was draped over me.  Also, there was just a sense of "maleness." 

Now, I didn't feel in the least freaked out, threatened, or in any way sexually approached.  In fact, I felt warm and safe and comforted.  I KNOW I was not asleep and dreaming this as it happened almost immediately--as soon as I pulled the covers up over me. 

It was a nice feeling, and I sort of settled into it without thinking before my rational self said, "WTF?"

Then I got scared not because an invisible man was spooning me in a bed in my mom's house, but because a friend of mine (whom I adore and recently had to part ways with for reasons best left unsaid in a public forum) told me that he had been tormented by suicidal thoughts for years because of feelings of perfectionism and left over emotional issues from a not-so-great childhood.  He had also told me that our friendship had helped him overcome these feelings and that I had "set him free."

Of course that made me cry and made my heart swell with even greater love for him than was already there...

But back to the story--I got scared because I suddenly thought, "What if things got bad for him again, and he felt helpless and hopeless without my friendly support and advice and saw no light in the distance and his suicidal thoughts came back and...."

I couldn't and can't finish that thought even now. 

I said, out loud, "Sweetpea, if you have done something stupid, I swear I will KILL MYSELF and follow you  to the afterlife, where I will KICK YOUR ASS."  

My impulse was to call him--call him and check up and see if he was okay--but we have made a promise not to communicate with each other for an undetermined amount of time until some issues get resolved in his life.  And I just DO NOT want to break that promise.  

Yet, even now I am anxious and wondering what's going on with him because, in all honesty, the male presence I experienced felt like him.   I don't know WHY I had the impression that it was him except for the tender warmth of the embrace.  We have shared such a tender and loving friendship--and I was feeling a vast lonesomeness for him while I was driving to my mom's.  I felt close to tears while I was driving down the interstate, actually, because I miss him and I love him very, very much.

Anyhow--maybe somehow his spirit felt my spirit's longing for him and came to comfort me.  

After I got scared that maybe my beloved friend was not okay, the warmth and the weight just dissipated--It didn't vanish all at once--it's more like it just faded.

Strange stuff happens in this world--and he and I have an amazing connection, spiritually speaking.  We were saying the same things at the same time several times during the course of any conversation we ever had.  I told him once that I thought we must have been good friends in Heaven in the Before Time--the time before we were born.  I have never felt such a strong spiritual and emotional connection with anyone before.  Perhaps it was because we shared some pretty intense similar backgrounds with each other and some pretty intense discussions about painful and extreme personal issues that we each have experienced.

Now, if it was not my sweet friend, I don't know who the heck crawled in bed with me last night.  It was a completely innocent cuddle, no matter who it was.  

I guess that's all I have t o say about that.  I will post some pictures and a report on  the Thanksgiving festivities at my mom's house tomorrow.  Too tired to do it tonight.

I hope my friend will update his livejournal at some point in the near future so I know that he is okay.  I get anxious if I don't know how someone I love is doing.