I miss my little girl tonight.

I'm in my bed, restless.  I want my little girl to snuggle with.  I miss lying here rubbing her tummy.  I miss scooping her into my arms and hearing her purr and feeling her snuggle in against my chest (until she is sick of it and struggles to get away).  I miss waking up to the weight of her little body holding down my feet.

I even miss  her racing into the bathroom ahead of me to stand in front of the toilet and looking innocently up at me as my bladder threatens to burst.

I long for her presence.  I don't want just "a cat."  I want HER.

sigh

sadness.

Bills suck.

I have been remiss in dealing with my mail AGAIN.  I brought the big bag of mail with me to school today and sorted it out and got the bills ready to mail over my lunch break.  Well, they are all stuffed in the appropriate envelope and have the return address labels posted on them.  i did not bring stamps to school with me, but i can probably buy a couple from Tracy for the bills that concern me the most so I can drop them in the mail on my way home.

My fuel bill was nearly $300 this time...it was only $134 last time.  fucking oil barons.

I guess I shouldn't complain, my sister Kim's fuel bill was like $500. 

It really irks me that I had to pay nearly $600 in vet bills, and my cat is dead anyway.......and now i am short of money to pay my bills, and my bills are all extra big this month.  I would scream, but what's the point?  It would just be a waste of sound and energy.

It is pretty amazing though, that I did not fetch my bills for two full weeks, and I only have five bills....of course, of the five bills, one is $152.85 (phone, internet, and satellite tv), $149 for car insurance, nearly $300 for heating fuel, $30 something for electricity.  (I don't use much electricity).  And about $300 to pay off my credit card--i had to put $700 on it in November for my car and I had to put over $200 to have my cat put to sleep and  cremated.  Sigh.

There are always too many bills and never enough money.

It irritates me that my sister who does daycare for 10 kids makes more money than I do.  It doesn't irritate me that she gets good money for doing day care, it irritates me  that the teaching profession is so underpaid.  And really, compared to most people in education--and certainly compared to any OTHER teaching job I have ever had, I am paid pretty well here. 

My brother, who works in a prison, makes nearly $30,000 more than I do...and I had already been working for 15 years when he started.  That REALLY sucks.  Not that I begrudge him his money either.  He works hard and is good at what he does.  I am angry at a society which undervalues education to this degree.

well, being pissy about it doesn't make it better, so I will just pay what I can and the rest of them will have to wait till I get paid again.

sigh sigh sigh.

Tonight, I will post pictures of doll clothes i finished at my mom's this weekend.  They are really cute.

Busy....busy....busy....

Last night when I got home, I was so tired that I just ate and went to bed.  I did mess around on the computer for a while after I got under the covers (ah, the joys of a laptop!).

Today I left school shortly after 3 pm.  When I got home, I put away the clean dishes which were sitting in the dish drainer.  Then I started to do the dishes.  I had quite a few to do as I wasn't very responsible for cleaning things up last week.

I brought up the red clothes that have been in the dryer in the basement for a week and folded them.  Haven't put them away yet.  Maybe in the morning--too tired right now.

I also picked up all the crap that was laying on the floor in the living and dining rooms.  I picked up the cat dishes.  Tomorrow I will wash them up and put them away.

I have to keep reminding myself she is gone.  I keep expecting her to bounce down the steps.  I keep looking at her dishes to see if her food needs to be refilled.  Sigh.

I miss my baby.

The downstairs looks much better now, at least.  Perhaps tomorrow night I will be able to vacuum the living and dining rooms and sweep the kitchen.  Maybe I can deal with the litter boxes tomorrow too. 

I haven't done much else--but I guess that was enough for one night after school.

I'm going to go to bed now--I'm going to try to get up early in the morning so I can take a bath before I go to school.  I'm just too tired to do it tonight--though I would probably be wise to do it--the steam would help my wheeziness to settle down.  Damned asthma.  Damned dust that triggers it....

I have spider webs to be knocked down too.  They are by my door.  Spiders and Asian Beetles must die. 

I guess I don't know anything else worthy of mentioning tonight.  No amusing stories.  No words of great wisdom.