Writer's Block: Do Not Forget

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Had a crazy dream last night.

In it, I was really young--like sixteen or so.  My parents and I were at a church--a Catholic church, which was weird because not only are my parents NOT Catholic, when I was young, they thought the Catholic church was almost as bad as the Church of Satan.  LOL.  Well, maybe not THAT bad, but close.  The best thing about the dream was that I was really slender and beautiful--and I was wearing a beautiful white silk wedding dress that was embroidered all over with white flowers.  It was very simple.  No layers of ruffles or lace.  But it was pretty.

I was there to get married, and I was pregnant.  I didn't want to get married, and I didn't want to marry the guy who had apparently impregnated me.  But my parents were insistant.  "If you didn't want to marry him, you should have kept your legs shut," my mom said.  (Note:  The woman who was my mom in the dream was not my actual mom.)

The priest was laying out the sacraments, and the whole church was just blah--no flowers or anything.  I remembered how beautiful my sisters' weddings were with all hte flowers and candles and things and I started to cry.  "I don't even have a bouquet," I said.  And someone said, "Well, that's what happens when you get knocked up.  You don't get anything special."

I  said I felt like I was going to faint and neededd some fresh air.  Then I was outside the church, walking down a gravel road.  I figured that I'd be far away by the time they even noticed I was gone.  Some guy pulled over and asked me if I wanted a ride and I climbed into his big black car.  I didn't even care where I was going, so long as i wasn't going to be trapped in a loveless marriage.

So, this guy eventually drops me off and it is getting dark.  I have no idea where I am, and I go into this garage thinking I would just sleep there and leave in the morning.  But off this garage is a little tv room with a couch and tv and stuff.  So I curled up on the couch and pulled an afghan over me. 

Pretty soon, this short, stocky, kind of deformed looking guy is standing over me, pissed that I am in his house.  It's like his legs have no knees.  He's yelling at me, and I'm just crying because I am so alone and lost.  At some point I realize he is also very very sad.  And after a while, we are just sitting on the couch talking.  He has a big black, ugly beard and unkempt greasy black hair.  He tells me he will let me live there in exchange for cooking and cleaning for him.  Then he tells me I can have a room upstairs.  At this point, I have a black garbage bag full of my stuff.  (No idea where that came from since I did not have it when I left the church.)

So, I take my bag of stuff and go upstairs.  What I find up there is a large. messy room filled with toys for a little girl.  Somehow I suddenly "know" that his wife and daughter are dead and that is why he is so sad.  I walked around the room and saw lots of dolls laying on the floor--some of them looked new, but some looked like vintage dolls from the forties and fifties.  There was a little set of kitchen furniture and doll dishes.  There were doll beds and doll buggies.  Everything there was high quality and looked expensive. 

There was  a large white crib next to the wall, and in it was a  very pale and still little girl who looked like the guy downstairs--she was dark haired and had very dark and pretty eyes, but her body was strange and lumpy.  Her limbs did not look normal.  She was the size of an infant, but twice as wide as a baby would be.  And her face was more mature--her face looked like that of a five or six year old.  Looking at her, I knew she was dead and that her father couldn't bear to bury her...so he kept her body in her room.  I also "knew" he never went up to look at her.  He just kept her little body up  there.

No one told me these things in the dream, I just "knew" them.

There was a big bed up there, the nanny's bed. I supposed.  I crawled in it to go to sleep.  A bit later the little dead girl crawled in with me.  She told me she was lonely and that her daddy was sad.  I wasn't scared at all despite this little zombie child crawling into my bed and snuggling up to me.  In fact, I felt very loving and protective toward her.  I  put my arms around her and held her close to me, like I hold my cat at night. 

We talked but I don't remember exactly what we talked about.  I told her I liked her dolls and she told me I could play with them if I wanted to.  LOL.  The thing I remember the most is that she wanted me to "make her daddy happy again." 

I think she wanted me to marry her dad and give him more babies to love so she could be at peace, but I really don't know.  The rest of the dream was confusing.  He had a lot of servants and they didn't want him to have any children from me.  I think they were his heirs now, and if he had kids, the kids would inherit his millions, and they would be out of luck.

It was a very complex and detailed dream.  All in living color.