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May 12 through May 14
May. 14th, 2020 10:14 pmTuesday, May 12
I just can't seem to get my shit together enough to eat "normally." It was nearly 2 pm before I meandered into the kitchen and made fried eggs and toast.
My main goal for today was to open the big box of stuff I bought at Target.com. It's been "chilling" in the breezeway for at least a week. I don't know if that makes a difference or not, but I feel better giving it time for any "bugs" on it to die. In the box were several boxes of granola/protein type bars which I like to have on hand because sometimes that is all I have the energy or ambition to eat. It's especially handy to have them in the morning as I take 11 meds/vitamins every morning. If I don't eat something almost immediately after I take the pills, I get a nasty stomach ache.
I put them in a big bag I had and dragged them into the living room where I will eventually put them in the tote that sits by my recliner. If I do not feel like cooking anything, I will eat a granola or protein bar instead. I also clipped the plastic binder thing off two six packs of Diet Coke and dragged them into the living room as well. They will be put in the "pop fridge" in the living room. When the big shipping box was empty, I broke it down and shoved it into the already very full recycling bin outside. I put the plastic air bags in the trash bin. I have no room to store that kind of thing.
When I had done that, I cleaned the litterbox and swept the breeze way. I carried the big bag of mail that had been sitting in there since Friday into the kitchen to go through it. It was mostly junk mail. The junkiest piece was the letter from that fucktard Donald Trump extolling his own greatness and verbally masturbating his ego. I HATE HIM. I recycled the several catalogs and various junk mail and sorted out the four bills I had to pay--Verizon, Jim and Dudes ($225 for furnace repair), Culligan, and $170 for the Mayo Clinic--probably for my trip to the cardiologist and my primary before all this CV-19 crap hit the fan. I had to go into the living room to get my check book, stamps, and return address labels.
After that, I got the book written by Stephanie Balange's dad ready to mail back to him. I never did get it read, which makes me very sad. The book is the autobiographical story of how he worked for the US military in Vietnam, was promised the reward of being brought to the US when the military withdrew, and how he had to escape from the Viet Cong on his own with his elderly parents in the middle of the night. When she was in 9th grade, Stephanie wrote a much abbreviated form of the story for my class. It was fascinating and harrowing. I wish I could have read his version. While I was in the hospital, I just couldn't focus on reading, and I am still having trouble with focused attention. He only has the one copy, and he has another person who wants to read it. So, I have to send it back without finishing it. I am sad about that.
Lily stopped to pick it up as she wanted to get my Shopper. She has to take Missy, her cat, to the vet tomorrow, and she wants to get some groceries while she is out and about. She also has to go to the post office, so she will mail the book off for me. She stopped at my mail box and picked up my mail for me on her way. I had hoped to have my bills written out and ready so she could take them too, but I wasn't ready when she got there and she was in a hurry.
Anyhow, I got the bills written out after she left. Then I did the dishes, swept the kitchen, and took the big bag of kitchen garbage outside to the garbage bin. Melona stopped by to drop off the puff pastries I had bought from her for some fund raiser. She is Tyrone's sister--Tyrone is the young man who mows my yard. I told her to have her mom call me so I could line up Tyrone again to mow my yard this summer. I am hoping that we can work out a deal where I pay him in advance for the month so I don't waste all those check blanks writing out one per week. He's sixteen now, and he has been mowing my yard since I bought this house. He is a sweet kid.
That's about it for today.
Wednesday, May 13
Lily called me this morning and asked if there was anything she could pick up for me at the grocery store today, since she had to go anyhow. I had her pick up a big container of Vaseline for me. I have been massaging my feet with Vaseline every morning since I was in high school, and my feet are lovely--soft, uncalloused, and smooth. If only I had taken care of my whole body the way I have taken care of my feet, I'd be movie-star gorgeous. LOL. I also asked her to get me two loaves of french bread, a package of bologna sandwich meat, a can of baking powder, a box of baking soda, three cucumbers, and four avocados.
I've been hungry for buttermilk pancakes, so I made a batch for my lunch. I ate three and cooked the last of the batter in two huge pancakes. I left them on a paper plate on the counter covered with a paper towel until about 7 pm when I had them cold with butter for supper. They tasted good like that.
I had not wiped down all the stuff Jack had bought me from Walmart last week, so I wiped down the powdered milk box, the bottle of Mexican vanilla, and the alcohol wipes. I was working on that when Lily arrived to drop off the stuff she had picked up for me today. So, I wiped down the stuff she brought me and put that away. She took the bills I had written out the other day with her to drop them off the next time she gets her mail.
I had three partial jugs of milk in the fridge, and all of them had gone sour. I dumped them out and rinsed out the jugs for recycling. I wiped down the counters and the table where I had wiped off the groceries.
I spent the evening making an on-line order to the Schwans company for Lily, Mom, and myself. I only ordered a 5-cheese pizza and two containers of soup--one Chicken wild rice and one chicken tortilla. Each works for at least two meals.
Then I looked at the Lerbergs (local grocery store) sale bill and made out a grocery list. I won't list all the stuff I wrote on the order as that would be obsessive and boring, but it was a pretty big list! I got a lot of dairy products, meat, produce, canned goods, and "miscellaneous" (including another package of toilet paper--I didn't really need to buy another package, but I have a feeling the shit is going to hit the fan in less than two weeks as we have been bullied into "opening up" the state by domestic terrorists and the dictator in the White House, so I want to be sure I have ample supplies to last indefinitely.)
I am sure I will have enough food and supplies to last most of the summer. Only dairy and produce will need to be replaced.
I will call the order in tomorrow.
Thursday, May 14
I was tired last night and went to bed at about 11 pm. I fell asleep pretty quickly, but woke up to pee and found a few texts from my friend Godiva in San Diego. I responded, and we ended up chatting till about 3:30 am. LOL. We always have excellent conversations. Last night, we talked about our mutual hatred and disgust for tRump and his nasty minions.
When I woke up this morning, I was thinking about the conversation I had with her last night and all the stuff I had read on line and seen on the TV news stations. I thought, "I am actually living in a dystopian novel." Many times when I wake up in the morning, still not totally mentally alert, I wonder if all of this shit is really a dream. But then, as I become fully conscious, I realize that yes, this is reality--as unreal as it feels. All we need is zombies and Randall Flagg and perhaps some aliens for it to be just as dystopian as it gets. (Note: Randall Flagg is a literary allusion to the evil character in Stephen King's The Stand.)
Paige, a nurse from the clinic, called this morning to check in on my level of depression today. She calls every 2-3 weeks just to check in. We discussed my current state of mind, the progress on my goals, and so on. I told her about my feeling that I am living in a real life version of a dystopian novel. I always tell her that I am doing okay, considering I am in the middle of the apocalypse. She thinks I am improving. She likes my goals (cleaning and organizing the entire house, writing daily--or mostly daily, and doing what I can to help others.) She commented that it seemed important to me to be benevolent, to take satisfaction in helping others. She'd like me to try to work with a therapist via phone calls. I have pretty much lost faith in all medical personnel, so I am not enthusiastic about working with anyone.
I did not tell her that every time I see a picture of tRump or see him on TV, I visualize a bullet entering his head through his right temple and blasting off half his head on the opposite side. Or that every morning, I turn on the news, hoping to hear that he has either died of a stroke in the night or has been admitted to the CV-19 ward and is drowning in his own fluids.
When we were done talking, I moved my desk chair into the living room and wiped down all the stuff from Target that I had hauled into the living room the other day. I put the snacks into the tote and the Diet Coke into the refrigerator. I set the two bags of snack sized chips under the table beside the recliner and the bags of Jelly Belly Jelly Beans and Peanut M&Ms on top of the table. I think I have enough snack type items to last the whole summer now. I am, at this very moment, snacking on a handful of jelly bellies.
My mother called when I was in the middle of this task. When I finished, I pulled up my computer and ordered a bunch of stuff from Target.com for her. She needed some vitamins, some bird seed, and some Gold Bond diabetic skin cream. She gave me her credit card number, and I put in her address so it will ship directly to her.
She apologized to me for being nasty yesterday--she was pissed that Lily had been to my house twice as she has been going out and about to Walmart and other places. She was afraid Lily would infect me with the virus. But Lily was never closer than six feet to me. I wiped down everything she had brought me with bleach wipes, and she was only in the doorway of the kitchen, not all the way in the house and was only here about ten minutes. Of course, she had to bring up every real or imagined slight she had ever experienced from Lily and Grandma Harpel too.
The apology was unexpected, but perhaps she is realizing that I am basically her only child who is in daily contact with her and who takes care of her needs.
While I was still on the phone with her, and as I was on the computer anyway since I had ordered her stuff from Target, I logged into my checking account to see if my federal income tax had dropped. It had not. But the state one was in. So, I took a moment to pay off the last of my UECU loan. Now, I owe NOTHING on anything except for the house. And the house is worth more than I owe on it. So, I am actually doing pretty darn good financially speaking right now.
So, now, I can focus on saving money for the knee replacement surgery. I have the goal of saving $500 a month. My out of pocket limit is $10,000 per year, so I figure, if I save $500 a month, I will have it saved in less than two years. And my other goal is to be under 200 pounds in two years. Both of those goals should be achieved at about the same time. I have to do some searching on line to find some exercises that I can start doing now to prepare my knees and legs to accept the knee replacements. I want a quick and total recovery. My plan is to have both knees done at the same time. I know myself. I know this surgery will not be pleasant. If it hurts a lot and takes a long time to recover from, I would not have the second knee done. So, if I do both at the same time, I will not have the option of saying nope. It will already be done, and I will have to endure it and get through it. I want to be able to travel and walk and enjoy everything. I don't want to be stuck with a stupid walker or worse, a wheel chair, for the rest of my life. I want to be free again.
In the afternoon, I heard a lawn mower. Then I saw Tyrone mowing my yard. He is such a good kid. I was happy I had enough cash to pay him today.
Other than a can of diet coke and a granola bar, I didn't eat anyting until nearly 4 pm. I was hungry, so I made myself come toast with mustard and slices of bologna on it. It was satisfying. Tomorrow, my goal is to make a big pan of lasagna which will feed me for at least a week, possibly more. I may bring some of it to my mother and Lily when I bring them their Schwans stuff.
tRump covered himself with shame and infamy again today with this quote: “And don’t forget, we have more cases than anybody in the world,” he added. “But why? Because we do more testing. When you test, you have a case. When you test, you find something is wrong with people. If we didn’t do any testing, we would have very few cases.”
By his twisted and ridiculous logic, you should refuse to have a biopsy of a large tumor because if you test it, it might be cancer! But if you don't test it, well, then there is no cancer! I don't know how he manages to get through the day, as dumb as he is. And I certainly do NOT understand how people continue to be taken in by his bullshit. I hate him. I wish he would die horribly tonight.
I just can't seem to get my shit together enough to eat "normally." It was nearly 2 pm before I meandered into the kitchen and made fried eggs and toast.
My main goal for today was to open the big box of stuff I bought at Target.com. It's been "chilling" in the breezeway for at least a week. I don't know if that makes a difference or not, but I feel better giving it time for any "bugs" on it to die. In the box were several boxes of granola/protein type bars which I like to have on hand because sometimes that is all I have the energy or ambition to eat. It's especially handy to have them in the morning as I take 11 meds/vitamins every morning. If I don't eat something almost immediately after I take the pills, I get a nasty stomach ache.
I put them in a big bag I had and dragged them into the living room where I will eventually put them in the tote that sits by my recliner. If I do not feel like cooking anything, I will eat a granola or protein bar instead. I also clipped the plastic binder thing off two six packs of Diet Coke and dragged them into the living room as well. They will be put in the "pop fridge" in the living room. When the big shipping box was empty, I broke it down and shoved it into the already very full recycling bin outside. I put the plastic air bags in the trash bin. I have no room to store that kind of thing.
When I had done that, I cleaned the litterbox and swept the breeze way. I carried the big bag of mail that had been sitting in there since Friday into the kitchen to go through it. It was mostly junk mail. The junkiest piece was the letter from that fucktard Donald Trump extolling his own greatness and verbally masturbating his ego. I HATE HIM. I recycled the several catalogs and various junk mail and sorted out the four bills I had to pay--Verizon, Jim and Dudes ($225 for furnace repair), Culligan, and $170 for the Mayo Clinic--probably for my trip to the cardiologist and my primary before all this CV-19 crap hit the fan. I had to go into the living room to get my check book, stamps, and return address labels.
After that, I got the book written by Stephanie Balange's dad ready to mail back to him. I never did get it read, which makes me very sad. The book is the autobiographical story of how he worked for the US military in Vietnam, was promised the reward of being brought to the US when the military withdrew, and how he had to escape from the Viet Cong on his own with his elderly parents in the middle of the night. When she was in 9th grade, Stephanie wrote a much abbreviated form of the story for my class. It was fascinating and harrowing. I wish I could have read his version. While I was in the hospital, I just couldn't focus on reading, and I am still having trouble with focused attention. He only has the one copy, and he has another person who wants to read it. So, I have to send it back without finishing it. I am sad about that.
Lily stopped to pick it up as she wanted to get my Shopper. She has to take Missy, her cat, to the vet tomorrow, and she wants to get some groceries while she is out and about. She also has to go to the post office, so she will mail the book off for me. She stopped at my mail box and picked up my mail for me on her way. I had hoped to have my bills written out and ready so she could take them too, but I wasn't ready when she got there and she was in a hurry.
Anyhow, I got the bills written out after she left. Then I did the dishes, swept the kitchen, and took the big bag of kitchen garbage outside to the garbage bin. Melona stopped by to drop off the puff pastries I had bought from her for some fund raiser. She is Tyrone's sister--Tyrone is the young man who mows my yard. I told her to have her mom call me so I could line up Tyrone again to mow my yard this summer. I am hoping that we can work out a deal where I pay him in advance for the month so I don't waste all those check blanks writing out one per week. He's sixteen now, and he has been mowing my yard since I bought this house. He is a sweet kid.
That's about it for today.
Wednesday, May 13
Lily called me this morning and asked if there was anything she could pick up for me at the grocery store today, since she had to go anyhow. I had her pick up a big container of Vaseline for me. I have been massaging my feet with Vaseline every morning since I was in high school, and my feet are lovely--soft, uncalloused, and smooth. If only I had taken care of my whole body the way I have taken care of my feet, I'd be movie-star gorgeous. LOL. I also asked her to get me two loaves of french bread, a package of bologna sandwich meat, a can of baking powder, a box of baking soda, three cucumbers, and four avocados.
I've been hungry for buttermilk pancakes, so I made a batch for my lunch. I ate three and cooked the last of the batter in two huge pancakes. I left them on a paper plate on the counter covered with a paper towel until about 7 pm when I had them cold with butter for supper. They tasted good like that.
I had not wiped down all the stuff Jack had bought me from Walmart last week, so I wiped down the powdered milk box, the bottle of Mexican vanilla, and the alcohol wipes. I was working on that when Lily arrived to drop off the stuff she had picked up for me today. So, I wiped down the stuff she brought me and put that away. She took the bills I had written out the other day with her to drop them off the next time she gets her mail.
I had three partial jugs of milk in the fridge, and all of them had gone sour. I dumped them out and rinsed out the jugs for recycling. I wiped down the counters and the table where I had wiped off the groceries.
I spent the evening making an on-line order to the Schwans company for Lily, Mom, and myself. I only ordered a 5-cheese pizza and two containers of soup--one Chicken wild rice and one chicken tortilla. Each works for at least two meals.
Then I looked at the Lerbergs (local grocery store) sale bill and made out a grocery list. I won't list all the stuff I wrote on the order as that would be obsessive and boring, but it was a pretty big list! I got a lot of dairy products, meat, produce, canned goods, and "miscellaneous" (including another package of toilet paper--I didn't really need to buy another package, but I have a feeling the shit is going to hit the fan in less than two weeks as we have been bullied into "opening up" the state by domestic terrorists and the dictator in the White House, so I want to be sure I have ample supplies to last indefinitely.)
I am sure I will have enough food and supplies to last most of the summer. Only dairy and produce will need to be replaced.
I will call the order in tomorrow.
Thursday, May 14
I was tired last night and went to bed at about 11 pm. I fell asleep pretty quickly, but woke up to pee and found a few texts from my friend Godiva in San Diego. I responded, and we ended up chatting till about 3:30 am. LOL. We always have excellent conversations. Last night, we talked about our mutual hatred and disgust for tRump and his nasty minions.
When I woke up this morning, I was thinking about the conversation I had with her last night and all the stuff I had read on line and seen on the TV news stations. I thought, "I am actually living in a dystopian novel." Many times when I wake up in the morning, still not totally mentally alert, I wonder if all of this shit is really a dream. But then, as I become fully conscious, I realize that yes, this is reality--as unreal as it feels. All we need is zombies and Randall Flagg and perhaps some aliens for it to be just as dystopian as it gets. (Note: Randall Flagg is a literary allusion to the evil character in Stephen King's The Stand.)
Paige, a nurse from the clinic, called this morning to check in on my level of depression today. She calls every 2-3 weeks just to check in. We discussed my current state of mind, the progress on my goals, and so on. I told her about my feeling that I am living in a real life version of a dystopian novel. I always tell her that I am doing okay, considering I am in the middle of the apocalypse. She thinks I am improving. She likes my goals (cleaning and organizing the entire house, writing daily--or mostly daily, and doing what I can to help others.) She commented that it seemed important to me to be benevolent, to take satisfaction in helping others. She'd like me to try to work with a therapist via phone calls. I have pretty much lost faith in all medical personnel, so I am not enthusiastic about working with anyone.
I did not tell her that every time I see a picture of tRump or see him on TV, I visualize a bullet entering his head through his right temple and blasting off half his head on the opposite side. Or that every morning, I turn on the news, hoping to hear that he has either died of a stroke in the night or has been admitted to the CV-19 ward and is drowning in his own fluids.
When we were done talking, I moved my desk chair into the living room and wiped down all the stuff from Target that I had hauled into the living room the other day. I put the snacks into the tote and the Diet Coke into the refrigerator. I set the two bags of snack sized chips under the table beside the recliner and the bags of Jelly Belly Jelly Beans and Peanut M&Ms on top of the table. I think I have enough snack type items to last the whole summer now. I am, at this very moment, snacking on a handful of jelly bellies.
My mother called when I was in the middle of this task. When I finished, I pulled up my computer and ordered a bunch of stuff from Target.com for her. She needed some vitamins, some bird seed, and some Gold Bond diabetic skin cream. She gave me her credit card number, and I put in her address so it will ship directly to her.
She apologized to me for being nasty yesterday--she was pissed that Lily had been to my house twice as she has been going out and about to Walmart and other places. She was afraid Lily would infect me with the virus. But Lily was never closer than six feet to me. I wiped down everything she had brought me with bleach wipes, and she was only in the doorway of the kitchen, not all the way in the house and was only here about ten minutes. Of course, she had to bring up every real or imagined slight she had ever experienced from Lily and Grandma Harpel too.
The apology was unexpected, but perhaps she is realizing that I am basically her only child who is in daily contact with her and who takes care of her needs.
While I was still on the phone with her, and as I was on the computer anyway since I had ordered her stuff from Target, I logged into my checking account to see if my federal income tax had dropped. It had not. But the state one was in. So, I took a moment to pay off the last of my UECU loan. Now, I owe NOTHING on anything except for the house. And the house is worth more than I owe on it. So, I am actually doing pretty darn good financially speaking right now.
So, now, I can focus on saving money for the knee replacement surgery. I have the goal of saving $500 a month. My out of pocket limit is $10,000 per year, so I figure, if I save $500 a month, I will have it saved in less than two years. And my other goal is to be under 200 pounds in two years. Both of those goals should be achieved at about the same time. I have to do some searching on line to find some exercises that I can start doing now to prepare my knees and legs to accept the knee replacements. I want a quick and total recovery. My plan is to have both knees done at the same time. I know myself. I know this surgery will not be pleasant. If it hurts a lot and takes a long time to recover from, I would not have the second knee done. So, if I do both at the same time, I will not have the option of saying nope. It will already be done, and I will have to endure it and get through it. I want to be able to travel and walk and enjoy everything. I don't want to be stuck with a stupid walker or worse, a wheel chair, for the rest of my life. I want to be free again.
In the afternoon, I heard a lawn mower. Then I saw Tyrone mowing my yard. He is such a good kid. I was happy I had enough cash to pay him today.
Other than a can of diet coke and a granola bar, I didn't eat anyting until nearly 4 pm. I was hungry, so I made myself come toast with mustard and slices of bologna on it. It was satisfying. Tomorrow, my goal is to make a big pan of lasagna which will feed me for at least a week, possibly more. I may bring some of it to my mother and Lily when I bring them their Schwans stuff.
tRump covered himself with shame and infamy again today with this quote: “And don’t forget, we have more cases than anybody in the world,” he added. “But why? Because we do more testing. When you test, you have a case. When you test, you find something is wrong with people. If we didn’t do any testing, we would have very few cases.”
By his twisted and ridiculous logic, you should refuse to have a biopsy of a large tumor because if you test it, it might be cancer! But if you don't test it, well, then there is no cancer! I don't know how he manages to get through the day, as dumb as he is. And I certainly do NOT understand how people continue to be taken in by his bullshit. I hate him. I wish he would die horribly tonight.