March 20 through 27

[chochiyo_sama]

Sunday, March 20

 This is my sister Tammy’s 60^th birthday.  She and her husband Bert came down to Owatonna to have lunch with Mom, Jack, and Kari at El Tequila.  She offered to bring me back some take out, so I asked for a chile relleno and a beef enchilada and a piece of flan.  She did bring them to me and they were delicious.  They also came with refried beans and rice. El Tequila makes the best refried beans I have ever eaten.  Also, their flan is delicious, even though it was a little melted down by the time I got it. 

When she dropped it off, she told me she had gone to Joni’s house to drop off their Christmas presents, but Joni was too weak and sick to visit.  She was shocked by how terrible Joni looked—she is nothing but skin and bones.  Her face was swelled and bruised from one of her falls, and her color was very off.  We discussed that we are both very worried that Joni may die if the medical people don’t get their collective heads out of their asses and figure out what is wrong with her.  Right now, all they are doing is giving her IV fluids twice a week since she is constantly dehydrated.

She is still unable to eat without puking everything right back up again and having explosive diarrhea.  I don’t understand why they haven’t hospitalized her and given her a battery of tests until they figure out what is wrong and FIX it.  Fucking morons at Mayo couldn’t find their anus with both hands and a flash light.

Earlier in the day, DeAnn and I had our Zoom meeting.  Always beneficial and motivational.  Between the Zoom meeting and Tammy delivering my food, I had a brief nap.  After enjoying my Mexican food, I caught up with my DW entries.  I don’t know why I cannot remain motivated to keep up with them.  The days just seem to zip by so fast.

 

Monday, March 21

Early this morning, I got a call from McKern, my tax people, telling me that Mom’s original envelope with her tax materials in it arrived at their place.  It was post marked March 17, but she had mailed that off in the third week of February.  So only God knows where it was all this time.  Mom was relieved that it had finally arrived.  She had already requested copies of all the things that were lost, but now she can just put those things aside in her records.

I dreamed last night that I woke up and discovered that my bed was covered in streaks of poop.  Thank goodness it was only a dream and not a reality.  That would have been a horrible mess to clean up.  So, when I actually woke up instead of just dreaming I woke up, I thoroughly inspected my bed to be sure there was no reality involved.  No poop was discovered.  Dreams are so weird.

Today, Waylon, my mailman, delivered my second package of doll clothes and socks from “Uncle Rick,” a US associate of Denis Bastian, in the mail.  They are trying to clear out their inventory from the old manufacturer, and everything has been discounted greatly.  I had already ordered one bunch of stuff, and anyone who had ordered previously from this sale got an additional 10% off on a second order.  So, I got some really incredible deals.  I bought several packages of little socks in white, yellow, blue, and pink.  Those all have lace edging at the tops of the socks.  So cute.  I also bought some white tights and some red shoes.  I also bought some outfits for my boy dolls.  There were little “cargo pants” and little knit shirts with collars and a couple of buttons. 

 

Tuesday, March 22

I was up late last night, obsessively watching the Weather Channel as tornadoes were tearing up Texas.  My aunt Lily lives just outside of New Braufels in a trailer park, and my nephew Matthew and my cousin (Lily’s granddaughter) Randi and her boyfriend live in Austin.  Tornadoes were within 20 miles or less of Lily and even closer to Matt and Randi.  I called Lily and texted the other two.  They all assured me that they were safe though it had been an “exciting” night.  I am thankful they are all okay.  I will be glad when Lily is safely OUT of Texas.  A trailer is no place to be during a tornado.  At least Matt and Randi are in houses. 

I am a Weather Channel junky, so I keep a good eye on all the weather events going on.  I am a little nervous that this is going to be an active tornado year all over the place.  Our season in Minnesota doesn’t get really busy until May/June, but they can really happen ANY time.  A little town not more than 10 miles away had a very destructive tornado last year in December. 

Mom called today and said that Jack was going to take her to the bank to get cash, so I called him and asked if he would be willing to take several checks and my ID to the bank and open a savings account for me.  I had called the bank a while back to ask if I could do it that way since the bank is over 100 years old and has a ton of steps that need to be climbed to get into the lobby.  My knees just will not take steps very well.  Also, they have no drive-through window. 

People keep giving me checks, and I have no way to cash a check since my checking and savings accounts are up in the Twin Cities in my credit union.  Having a second savings account in Ellendale will allow me to have checks cashed here.  I had an $800+ refund check from my escrow account from when I refinanced my house to side it and put the deck on the front in addition to $100+ checks from both Mom and Lily for ordering stuff on-line for them recently.  So, now I have over $1,000 in a savings account in Ellendale.  So, Yay for me. 

Jack also brought my mail when he dropped my stuff back to me.  Now I have the sales ad from Lerbergs to help me make out a grocery order.

 

Wednesday, March 23

Today I made out my grocery order and called it in.  There was a lot of good produce in the ad, so I will be getting a lot of wonderful fresh food—broccoli, cauliflower, green grapes, a cantaloupe, a box of strawberries, lettuce, sweet corn, cucumbers, and mushrooms as well as 2 ribeye steaks and a pound of fresh hamburger. I can hardly wait to sink my teeth into that sweet corn and those strawberries.  Yummy.

I threw some peanuts out on the deck for my squirrel friends and managed to get the stubborn screen door shut tight.  The squirrels and blue jays were happy to have the snacks. 

For supper, I put a couple of breaded chicken patties into the oven.  While they were baking for 22 minutes, I cleaned some old stuff out of the fridge to make room for the fresh stuff and washed a big sink full of dishes.  I have been a little worried about the basement, so I peeked down from the top of the stairs and everything seems dry and clean.  No nasty smells either.  So my mind is at ease regarding that.  Peaches rushed down to the basement and rolled around on the floor like she had really gotten away with something naughty.  Silly kitty.

We have had quite a bit of snow/rain from the system that produced all the tornadoes down south.  The snow was of the melts-on-contact kind, so nothing to get upset about.  The rain was just dreary, misty type rain.

 

Thursday, March 24

Waylon brought me two packages in the mail today.  One was the most adorable little plaque for my deck—it is a cat head in a frame that has a little mouse in each corner and another one in the middle of the top.  It says “WELCOME” across the bottom.  It will be so cute on my deck.  The other is a darling cat teapot.  Just as cute as it can be.  Both gifts from my dear friend Mary in San Diego.  I still haven’t gotten my Christmas box sent off to her.  I have to call my brother and ask him to take that to the post office for me.  If I were not so dumb, I would have asked Waylon to take it for me when he dropped off my packages today!  My mind just hasn’t been as sharp as it should be lately.

My right hand which has been hurting like a bitch for about three weeks has felt a bit better today.  I still don’t have a clue what I did to it that made it hurt this way.  I know it started right after I gave my bathroom a thorough cleaning.  It feels like I somehow gave it a good whack on something hard right on the bone that sticks out on the inside of my wrist. It also hurts pretty bad from the base of my thumb to my wrist.  If you ever had some elementary school bully give you an “Indian burn” by grabbing your arm with both hands and twisting the skin in opposite directions, that’s what it feels like there—like an awful “Indian burn” but just on that small area of my hand.  It’s weird.  I so hope it is on the mend as it has been very painful and miserable.

 

Friday, March 25

Today, I bagged up a bunch of garbage and recycling, emptied some of the boxes that had been delivered recently, took all the stuff I had ordered from Dennis and “Uncle Rick” out of the individual plastic bags each item came in and put them in a shallow tote, break down and box up a bunch of smaller cardboard boxes, open the breezeway door so Ross could deliver the groceries, water the plants in the breezeway, and clean the cat litter boxes.  Then I went into the kitchen to make a box of Parmesan Angel Hair Pasta Roni and put some frozen egg rolls from Schwans in the oven.

While I was cooking, Ross came and delivered my groceries.  We spoke briefly, then he left and I put all the groceries away.  Sadly, I was given 10 lbs of potatoes instead of the frozen tator tots I had ordered.  Sigh.  I was hoping to make tator tot hot dish.  Oh, well.  I can use the potatoes, and I will order tator tots again next time.  I can make the hamburger into something else.  Maybe spaghetti.

That angel hair pasta was especially delicious.  I may have to order a few more boxes of that to have on hand.  It made enough for at least three meals.  The egg rolls were okay.  I don’t think I will ever order them again.  But they were edible.

 

Saturday, March 26

I woke up early because I needed to pee, and since I was up, I dragged my laundry into the laundry room, sorted them, and got them going.  I discovered a puddle of dried up cat puke on the floor, so I cleaned that up.  I then decided that I was too tired to remain conscious so I returned to bed.  I must have been utterly exhausted as I did not wake up again until almost 2 pm.  I staggered around like a drunken sailor, gathered my clothes, took my meds, got dressed, and continued to do my laundry.

At some point, Tammy called me to talk about Joni’s health.  She believes Joni is dying.  She had called Jeff and had a long talk with him about Joni.  She said he is overwhelmed by the situation, is angry that the doctors are not helping her and that Joni “won’t eat.”  (In actual fact, Joni CAN’T eat.  When she tries, she pukes it all out again—and if she can hold it down, is shoots out the other end uncontrollably.  No one wants to deal with that.  She also gets horrible cramps and cannot get to the bathroom fast enough and craps her pants.  I feel so bad for her.)

Jeff also said that Joni “wants to die” and “has written her will.”  In actual fact, I think she is just so tired of feeling so terrible and weak and exhausted ALL THE TIME that she just wants to be done with it all.  If those worthless asshole doctors would stop fucking around and figure out what’s actually going on with her instead of just giving her fluids and telling her to “try different foods to see what you can tolerate,” maybe her will to live would return.  Assholes.

So, Tammy said she is going to come down on Wednesday and take care of Joni for a while to give Jeff a break and hopefully go to an appointment with her and demand what the doctors intend to do to help her.  We both think she needs to be hospitalized and given constant care.  I KNOW they have meds that can stop all that puking.  When I was in the hospital having puking issues, they put something in my IV and the puking was DONE. 

I warmed up more of that leftover angel hair pasta and baked a couple chicken patties for supper.  I turn the patties into sandwiches on hamburger buns with mayo and bread and butter pickles.  I left my second sandwich on my end table by my recliner to go to the bathroom and then to the laundry room to work on the laundry.  When I returned, Peaches was on my recliner, reaching across to the plate so she could lick the entire top of my sandwich.  Sigh.  Well, I was pretty full from the pasta and the other sandwich anyhow.  Cats.  Greedy little shits.

 

Sunday, March 27

I woke up early this morning—well, early for me—feeling frantic and sad.  I just felt overwhelmed with worry for my sister Joni.  I felt certain that Joni will be dead very soon because the medical community is FAILING her.  I cried for a while then sent out texts to all the people I know who are praying people and asked them to pray for Joni because I am so afraid she is going to die.  This mystery illness has been going on for nearly a year.  Almost immediately after I sent the texts, my cousin Kari called and told me that she had tried to drop off some flowers to Joni earlier and that Joni sent her away, saying that she just didn’t have the strength to visit with anyone.  Kari said she looked terrible and sounded worse.  She said she had contacted her brother and sister and asked them to pray for Joni last week because she is so worried about her.  She said they usually text each other all the time (both huge animal lovers), and that Joni hasn’t been texting her back for days. 

I talked to Mom this morning, and she finally told me herself that Kim’s “boys” no longer wanted to receive anything from me.  Just what I wanted to hear about on a morning when I am overcome with grief and fear for Joni.  Fuck those little pricks.  It will be my pleasure to never give them anything ever again.  I said something along the lines of, “Oh, whatever.”  Then I said something about them being paranoid and delusional and that I felt sorry for them.  Then I said I had my Zoom meeting with DeAnn and had to go.  I wish I hadn’t said anything about them being paranoid and delusional. 

Mom said, “I just HATED to be the one to tell you….” 

Horseshit.  She LOVED telling me  that.  She was likely disappointed that I never said anything about it before since she expected to me react if my siblings had told me about it, so figured that no one had told me, so she had to MAKE SURE I KNEW that I was being PUNISHED for my horribleness.

Anyhow…I got off the phone and I was furious.  Not that I gave a shit about being denied the privilege of spending my hard earned money on two rude, lazy, obnoxious shitheads.  Just that this shit never ends.  Never.  And my mother seems to delight in keeping it going.

Our Zoom was emotional.  I cried about my sister Joni.  I raged about the incompetence of the medical personnel letting her suffer.  Then Tammy called and I spoke to her briefly.  I told her what Mom had said and referred to the spawn as “lazy, worthless, goal-less pieces of shit.”  This upset DeAnn and she cried.  She said I should not call them names and that I would regret it.  I don’t think I will regret it, but I understood her point of view.  She was upset because she knew that my anger was a result of the pain that the whole ordeal with them from the beginning until now.  It upset her to figure out how deep my pain must be by the depth of my anger. 

I had not stopped to consider that the rage I feel was actually coming from the hurt and betrayal and disappointment all this shit with Kim and her spawn has created in me.  And how disgusted I am that THEY—aka the perpetrators—will not let this shit go and think that *I* am the one that owes *them* an apology.

Fuck.

Fuckity Fuck Fuck.

Well, I do think it is true.  That’s why every out of the blue attack sets me off like this.

So, it was a very emotional, tearful, sorrowful Zoom.  And I guess a little enlightening too.

In the evening, Sue put together a little Zoom meeting for our little friend group.  She and Nancy and DeAnn and I were there on our own before the others showed up, so we discussed my sister Joni’s situation for a while.  Sue and Nancy are both nurses, and Sue is a nurse practitioner.  They agree that the medical people are failing her and she needs to go to a different medical facility and get help.  They think that malnutrition may be a major part of her failure to improve.  When Tammy and Julie arrived, we talked about other things.  They want to have us all do a “destination” weekend, but I don’t think I will be going.  My knees are just not fit for shopping, art galleries, museums, and so on.  I would be miserable and I would feel like I was holding the others back.  So, while I participated in the discussions of how fun it would be, I will not be going.  I will think up a suitable excuse once a date is set.  They are thinking about June, so I have a long time to consider my position and excuse.

*************************************************************************************

Well, that catches me up, and it went  a lot faster than I thought it would be. 

Comments

[the_godiva]

I think you and Tammy need to make a list of every symptom she has and then start researching Dr. Google. Either that or you need to pool your money, pack her up and take her out of state to some decent healthcare provider that can actually diagnose her. A teaching hospital associated with a university that is NOT the Mayo.

You won't be able to do anything if her husband is slowly poisoning her nor if it is an undiagnosed cancer.

I know she's careful but there is no telling what she may have picked up. If they haven't tested her for lead, mercury, cadmium or other heavy metals, they should asap. Read through the link and see if anything jumps out at you that fits all or most of her symptoms.

https://rarediseases.org/rare-diseases/heavy-metal-poisoning/

I don't see allergies causing this serious of symptoms but you never know.

Could be parasites, picked up from food or some other way. They may not have thought to check. Have they checked her for Giardia?

At the very least they should do some cultures and then give her some antibiotics in case it is an intestinal infection.

If it is dietary you can do some eliminations. I would take her off: dairy, wheat and sugar. No bread, cake, pies, muffins, etc. No milk or cheese. Real yogurt would be OK as long as it has plenty of lie probiotics. She needs to drink Kombucha and eat sauerkraut for probiotics. I know she's a vegetarian and she has already eliminated some of this stuff, but if it's celiac's she needs to eliminate more. Even though she has been an educated vegan for many, many years, some sort of deficiency should also be explored. But first, no sugar and no wheat. She may need to agree to eating fish and eggs just to provide her some protein that isn't plant based.

Have they ruled out Crohn's disease?

https://gi.org/topics/diarrhea-acute-and-chronic/

Doesn't your credit union have a phone app that allows you to deposit checks? I think they all do now. Mine has had one for at least 7 years. That's how I deposit checks. Doesn't the bank in Ellendale have an app you can use to deposit checks? They should. If not they are equally useless. At least you can use the Ellendale bank as a secret savings account where you just deposit checks and never withdraw. Soon you'll be able to put in the tub.

At least you saw the sandwich and what she was doing. With a dog you would have come back and the plate simply would have been empty. No chicken patty, no bun, perhaps a pickle spit out on the floor but no guarantees. And an innocent look on the face of the perpetrator. Dogs are bottomless pits and can be greedy shits too.

You didn't say anything to your Mom about Joni likely dying? Like, "Joni is dying and all you care about is tattling to me about Kim's worthless spawn?" I would have thrown in a "What kind of Mother are you?" And actually said out loud "Oh, you LOVED telling me. Sorry you didn't get the reaction you were hoping for but *I* care about my dying sister."

DeAnn is too soft hearted. Sometimes you have to call a spade a spade and let it go. I don't regret anything I said to Holiday Inn. He is a worthless, irresponsible, lying, parasite man-baby that will never grow up, never hold down a full time job, never get an education and will be the family leech forever. He will never move out of his Mother's house or be able to support himself. He will be a money grubbing blood-sucker for the rest of his life. He'll never get married because no decent woman with any brains would be stupid enough to marry him. Certainly not for long. And if he got her pregnant she'd be taking the kids with her and he would be a deadbeat Dad as he can't support himself, let alone pay child support. He is a waste of oxygen and natural resources. He contributes NOTHING. He just fucks things up. And I have no regrets saying any of it. In fact, I feel wonderful I have finally told him what I think of him and decided to have nothing to do with him or his mother. It is wonderfully freeing. I feel great.

Of course you feel angry. And you will continue to feel angry every time they set you off and they know it. It gives them power over you. The only way to remove their power is to not give them the satisfaction of a reaction. To not care. Not easy. But if they become "dead" to you, then you no longer give a shit about their opinion of you. And if you can let that go, then nothing they say can hurt you any more. Your true siblings and the people you care about know they are liars. No one believes them. So you shouldn't be concerned with what they say because it is untrue and everyone knows it. Just ignore them. Shun them like the Amish do. They no longer exist. Box up the photos and anything else that brings up a memory of them, even a good memory. Get rid of it all. Put it in the basement and maybe in a few years you can just toss it.

You need to get yourself a little motorized chair or scooter that can fold up to be taken in the car so you can get out and do things. The walker and the two canes just aren't doing it for you. If you can't get double knee replacements then it will have to be a motorized chair of some sort. Check the Craigslists and second hand options or any charity that can donate one to you. New they are almost $3,000. I'm trying to get my Mom to get a Zoomer but I think she is putting it off, figuring why spend the money if I am going to die soon?