August 4 through 10
Aug. 9th, 2022 10:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chochiyo_samaThursday, August 4
Hope was coming today, so I got up early enough to take a shower, fold a load of clothes, dry a load of clothes, and wash my bedding. I had an appointment with the dietician at the clinic at 11 am, so I was expecting Lily to arrive by 10:30. Hope got here before then, so we chatted a bit before Lily arrived and I headed to Owatonna with her.
While I was gone, Hope started the chores. She took the garbage and recycling out to the bins, cleaned the bathroom, cleaned the refrigerator, vacuumed all the upholstered furniture, used Orange Glow to polish all the wood furniture, scrubbed the bird bath that my mother had given me, dried the bedding and made my bed, and started clearing out the books and bookshelves from my office. Most of the bookshelves went to the basement. The books were boxed up and stacked in my bedroom closet, swept and scrubbed the floors, and vacuumed the area rugs.
It took much longer than I expected it would to get home from the clinic. My meeting with Caitlyn, the dietician went longer than I expected. I was not feeling real good about her when I saw her—she was as thin as a pencil, and I was terrified she’d be one of those nasty “fat phobic” scrawny folks. But I was pleasantly surprised. She was very friendly and kind. She had a great sense of humor and let me talk for myself rather than dominating the conversation by being judgy and mean.
She asked me what my goal for this appointment was, and I told her that I basically KNOW how to eat and what to eat—then I explained to her about the old Weight Watcher’s program from the 1970s that works well for me. Basically, it goes like this—
For breakfast—a bowl of cereal or oatmeal with a glass of milk and a citrus fruit. OR an egg, a piece of toast or English muffin, a glass of milk, and a citrus fruit.
For lunch and supper you can have three “beef” meals a week. Beef includes pork and beef. You should have 5 fish meals, but you can substitute 2 chicken meals. One meal should be 4-6 (uncooked) ounces of meat; the other should be 6-8 (uncooked) ounces of meat. Many vegetables are an unlimited kind—green beans, lettuce, celery, cabbage, brussels sprouts, etc. Some, the starchy ones, are limited to ½ cup a day—things like peas, corn, etc. You can have two pieces of fruit either with these meals or as snacks. You can have two pieces of bread a day—or you can have a potato or some other starch like that. You get two glasses of milk a day, one at breakfast. You can basically have fish at every meal if you want it. This is just an overview of the plan. There are other alternatives, and it does not have to be perfect. You are supposed to be limited to 3 tbsp of butter a day. I never measured it.
She thought it was an acceptable died plan. I know how it works. I know how to do it. It takes a while to get into it, but once you do, you feel pretty good and you definitely lose weight. I have to dig up my materials.
We talked at length about my relationship to food and how it has been a comforter to me throughout most of my life—and how when my life falls apart, like it did when I unjustly lost my teaching job and was forced to move back into my toxic mother’s house. My health pretty much fell into a decline. Then, when things started looking up when I moved into my current house, I got the appendectomy and spent months in the hospital. And when I came home, the evil spawn were in my house and the shit hit the fan when they started whining that I was being “mean” to them and my mother and sister decided I was satan incarnate and spread shit about me throughout the world.
Then came the kidney stone debacle and the assholes who decided I was both suicidal and homicidal and should be put in the psych ward. Then came Covid. Lock down. Isolation. Continued attacks from mother, sister, and nephews. Then ANOTHER kidney stone—probably a result of the original asshole’s failure to suck out all the remnants of the stone he removed as it was only about a year before I had another one form from the debris of the first one.
I spoke at length of what my job meant to me (everything), and how much I miss having a purpose for my existence. How those kids were my life/family/reason for being here. How I considered suicide every. Single. Day. That I lived in my mother’s house. I knew I could not do it as it would have been a terrible example for my kids, most of whom are at risk for one reason or another.
She got it.
She asked what her role should be for me. I said primarily for motivation and to have someone to check in with and monitor the effects of the process.
“Accountability?” she asked.
I said, “Sort of. I don’t want someone to nag me and shame me for having a bad week or day. I just want someone who will listen and help me get past the bumps in the road. Also to have access to an accurate scale as I do not own a scale.”
I told her about my brief flirtation with anorexia when I was in college and how the scale became the “god” of my world and how frustrating it was to be PERFECT for a whole week and GAIN a pound. Ideally, I can only be weighed once a month. Then the daily fluctuations don’t make me spin out of control.
She thought that was a good idea. So I am thinking I will meet with her monthly.
From her office, I went to the appointment desk. While we were waiting in line, she asked me a question, and I responded with some quote from Star Trek (TOS) which I don’t remember now. I explained the quote to her and then told her how I had always wanted to write a book Everything I Needed to Know I Learned from Watching Star Trek. The people at the cubical I was waiting for turned around and started laughing. Laughing in a friendly way—and so I explained how disappointed I was when I searched Amazon and discovered that someone else had ALREADY written MY BOOK!
Caitlyn and I had laughed a lot and even cried a little when I explained why I did not become the social worker I had intended to be when I went off to college. I think she will be beneficial in my life.
I had told her before that I would like to go down to the pharmacy in the attached hospital, and she asked Michael, who was the guy in charge of the appointment cubical, if he could wheel me down there. He was a cheerful, likable young guy who also loves cats, and he was glad to take me down there. We talked about cats all the way down and back again. I got my blood pressure monitor. Then he wheeled me to the front door of the clinic. We wished each other well, and I called Lily to come and get me.
From there we went to Walmart where I intended to give them my debit card to put it into the system since it had not worked for them to pay for my last prescription refill. I gave them the correct information on the phone, but they never called back to tell me whether or not it worked. Turns out it DID work, and I did not HAVE to stop there.
However, since I was there—and I haven’t been in an actual store for over a year. Perhaps longer. I spent about $190 on stuff I haven’t had access to. I bought shampoo—remarkably I am just getting to the bottom of my Herbal Essence shampoo that I bought and used when I lived in West Concord. That was over ten years ago! But I only use about a quarter sized dot of shampoo when I wash my hair, so it lasts a very long time. I bought some bathroom wipes, Vaseline Intensive Care Healing formula lotion—using it on my scratched up legs, a 40 can case of Friskies soft cat food, a 12 can case of Fancy Feast moist cat food, two boxes of Temptation treats, 2 tubes of NeoSporin (also to treat the numerous cat scratches on my legs), a large mug that will keep beverages cold (as I am thinking that I need to drink a lot more water), a carton of half and half, two packages of cheese cubes to use making my delicious pasta salad, a loaf of French bread, a carton of spring greens—mixed baby lettuce leaves, a carton of “Constellation” grape tomatoes—they are a variety of colors of tomatoes—orange, green, red, yellow. All very tasty. I probably got a couple more things as well, but I don’t remember what they were at the moment. Oh—I also bought a blender. The blender I used to have broke when I lived in West Concord. I seldom use a blender, but there are a couple of recipes I want to try that require a blender.
I asked for a carry out guy to help me get my stuff in Lily’s car. He was a very nice young man of Asian descent. He and I were the only ones in sight who were wearing a mask. While we were waiting, I made small talk with him. Told him this was only the second time since Covid struck that I had been in a store. I explained that I have a lot of health issues, so I don’t want to catch it for fear it would kill me.
He said he had it and it was very bad. He thought he would die. And his mom DID die of it. I am such a softy. I immediately teared up and said, “Oh, honey, I am so sorry for your loss.” So then he teared up and we both shut up for a while. An old guy was waiting for my electric cart, so I made small talk with him for a while. Then Lily pulled up, so my friendly carry out guy loaded my stuff in the car and I surrendered my cart to the old guy who had told me he had had both knees and both hips replaced and several surgeries on his arms and hands. His hands were HUGE. I don’t know if that was how he naturally was or if they were just horrifically swollen. I always talk to strangers. One day I will be abducted and made into a sex slave or something. (I personally believe they would bring me back pretty quickly.)
Lily and I went through the drive through of McDonalds. I got an iced tea and she got a slushy. I got a couple of fish burgers. One for my lunch and one for my supper. I treated Lily as she was the driver. I appreciate that so much.
When we got home, Hope carried in my stuff and even put a lot of it away. I was in desperate need of the bathroom by this time. While I was in there, Hope gave Lily a tour of the house and showed her how much progress we have made. Lily was very impressed.
We all talked a while. Hope was going to Wisconsin Dells for a long weekend with her sisters and her and her sisters’ kids. She had pretty much taken care of all that needed doing in the house already, so I told her she could just head home as she had mentioned that she wanted to pack, load her car, and stop to get some snacks for the kids. In addition to giving her $25 an hour for cleaning, I gave her an extra $50 and told her to use it to treat the whole group to ice cream or something else nice from me. I am a little tight this month due to paying almost $500 a month for my hospital bill, but she is such a wonderful girl and I love her dearly. Her sister Haylie also is just great. I don’t know Emily or Hannah very well, but I am sure I would love them too, if I got to know them better. I will just be careful with my money for the rest of the month.
When she left, I ate my fish burger—had to share the fish part with Peaches and Sawyer. William showed no interest. I was pretty tired after my busy day, so I spent the evening watching TV and poking around on my computer.
Friday, August 5
I cleaned the litter boxes in the breezeway. They were in pretty nasty shape. It only takes two days for those orange beasties to fill up the boxes. And just to make it more work for me, they also scratch out so much litter in their efforts to bury their “business.” And, OF COURSE, they both of the boys have to hop into the litter box and take another dump WHILE I am cleaning it. UGH. After I swept, I had to struggle to open a new box of fresh litter. They should keep national secrets sealed up in those boxes. It is hell to get them open. I took the bag of scoopings outside to the bin because they stink.
Ross delivered my groceries. I had not ordered much this week. I ordered milk, a bunch of produce (mostly fruit), a couple of NY strip steaks, and a quart of pasta salad which I will never buy again. Nasty. I ate a small bowl full and threw the rest in the garbage. Yuck.
I had ordered a bunch of Chewy.com stuff earlier this week. One box arrived today. It was heavy, but I managed to drag it into the house. I also got the FedEx delivery of my prescription.
I have been watching all my DVRs of Resident Alien. If you do not watch that show, you should. It is hilarious. There isn’t really much worth watching on television, so I watch 3-4 episodes of it per day. At this rate, I will catch up to it in no time.
Saturday, August 6
After I did my morning routine, I filled my pill caddy. I’m only taking about half the pills I used to take. I appreciate that. But I know I am going to need to start taking something else for blood pressure control. I am giving up my caffeine laden Diet Coke until my blood pressure gets down to a reasonable level. It’s so high that I am seriously in danger of having a lethal stroke. Not something that makes me feel very calm. I’ve been sort of skating on the edge of a panic attack for several days.
We had a lovely rain today—heavy but not so heavy that things were smashed down. My yard was sighing with relief and joy. More is expected in the evening. In fact, there is a possibility of thunderstorms which are always invigorating.
Lily called this morning and reported to me that she had spoken to Jason, my handyman, about the on-going work in my office. She irritated me as she had kind of jumped him about what I had paid him to go to Apple Valley to pick up the three solid oak bookcases that I bought off Craig’s List. They were perfect and lovely. Jason has a big old pickup truck, so he could get all three of them in the back—and he had mover’s blankets to keep them from getting messed up. It cost him $50 in gas and took more than three hours of his life to drive up there and bring them home again. The shelves were $700. They wanted cash, but I didn’t have cash. Jason keeps quite a bit of cash in his house, so he paid them with his cash, and I gave him a check for $800. I paid for his gas and also for his time. I said if there was excess cash, he could apply it to his labor when he paints.
Well, Lily kind of jumped him about WHEN will he do this painting and scolded him that I had already paid for the paint. Well, I NEVER said I paid him for the paint. I said he could apply any excess to the labor—but I think it was well worth what I gave him for the time and work he put in.
The real issue is that Lily thinks I pay too much for people who work for me because then they will expect HER to pay more. Ugh. So I was a bit upset, thinking that Jason would think *I* had bitched to her about him and would think that I was trying to screw him.
As soon as I got off the phone with her, I tried to call him but he did not pick up. My little paranoid self immediately thought, “He’s so mad that he’s ignoring my calls.” Well, no. He called me back later and told me he was on the phone with a friend when I called. So we talked, and I gently explained how Lily loves me and gets really overly involved in my stuff. We talked for quite a while, and he told me not to worry, that if he thought I was not being fair with him, he would let me know. He said we “were good.” So I am relieved.
After I fed the cats, I opened the package that held my prescription. When I pulled them out of the bag inside the envelope, pills spewed in every direction. OMG. I screamed and swore. The cap was off the bottle inside the bag. These are heart medications that slow and regulate my heart beat. Instantly Sawyer and William were RIGHT THERE investigating. I was terrified they would try to pick up those pills in their mouths and would be poisoned and die. I kept screaming at them, “GET AWAY! GET BACK! GODDAMNIT! GO!” I scooped up the pills as best I could and started to count them. There was a 90 day supply, and I found 89 of them. Then I lived in terror for about an hour while I moved everything within 20 feet of the area, looking for that last pill. Finally, I moved the recliner, and there it was, resting in a nest of cat hair. Yuck, but THANK YOU JESUS!! I could finally relax and be thankful that the cats were safe.
I was pretty much done after that. I poked around on the internet, watched TV, and tried to calm myself down.
Sunday, August 7
I slept till 9:30. Then I forced myself to get up as DeAnn, and I were going to meet on Zoom at 10 am. I fed the cats and then discovered there were five piles of cat puke needing to be cleaned up. So, I dealt with that and made myself some toast to help digest my pills. If I don’t eat something with my pills, I get really queasy and nauseated.
I fired up my computer, but DeAnn was oversleeping, so I just waited for her to come online. While I waited, I poked around on the internet and looked at Facebook. I finally am out of Facebook Jail, so I could do some posting. She came online at about 11. We had a nice meeting and talked about a lot of different stuff. We were done by 3 pm.
I folded a basket of laundry and looked at the Summons to Jury Duty I got a few days ago. I have to fill out a form and write up a little essay about why I should be excused from jury duty. I have to deal with that tomorrow. I just cannot do it today.
Monday, August 8
This morning I put my new blood pressure monitor together and took my blood pressure. It was terrifyingly high. I took it three times, trying to will myself to be calm and lower my blood pressure with mid control, but it only lowered slightly. I think I am so intimidated by this shit that it causes me to panic a bit, and of course, that elevates the blood pressure more. Fuck my life.
I filled out my Jury Summons thing online. There was no place on their website for me to request being excused. Tammy told me I should call the Court House and talk to someone. I will probably do that tomorrow.
The rest of my Chewy.com stuff today. Thank goodness the delivery guy brought the boxes up to the front door. The boxes were dreadfully heavy as they contain cat litter and a new cat tree. I am not sure where I will put the cat tree as it is high and wide. But the cats will love it.
I called Erik and asked if he would come over and carry in my boxes for me. He said he would, but he was on his way to Owatonna to pick up a package at his folks’ house and get groceries. I talked to him until he pulled into their driveway. When he opened his door, the crow they raised from a little featherless blob was screaming “CAW! CAW! CAW!” as it swept down to perch on his car’s hood and demand scratches and attention.
Erik said his folks have a bowl for water and a bowl for food on the railing of their deck. The crow has started a new pile there—shiny rocks, little pieces of metal, and other little offerings that he thinks they would like. I have read about crows being like this, but this is the first one I have ever had a personal connection to. My sister, Erik’s mom, says the crow refuses to socialize with other crows. He identifies as a human, apparently. LOL.
Later in the afternoon, Erik showed up and brought all the boxes in the house. We opened them and he moved some of the stuff to where it belongs. I gave him $10 for his trouble. Then we talked about politics and tRUMP, and all the lunatics who worship him as a god. We talked till nearly 7 pm. Then he headed home. I turned on Rachael Maddow’s show and was astonished to see that the FBI had raided Mar a Largo to get back all the shit that tRUMP stole from the White House (documents mainly) which he has been destroying according to various witnesses. All the nut jobs instantly erupted into wails of horror and despair that their orange overlord was being held accountable for his illegal behavior. Morons. I hate that scum bag con artist. Of course, it is pretty obvious to everyone that I do indeed hate him and wish him an awful life.
Yesterday I had an ungodly headache. I was beginning to fret that I was about to have a stroke, but I put an ice pack on the back of my neck as my neck and shoulders have been hurting for a long time. That seemed to greatly reduce the headache, and this morning, I woke up without it—only had a little soreness in the back of my neck and shoulders.
That’s about it for me. Nothing too exciting. I watched Resident Alien until I realized the FBI was after tRUMP, then I switched over to the news channels.
Tuesday, August 10
My blood pressure was slightly lower today—not enough to make a significant improvement, but at least it wasn’t higher.
I called the court house first thing, and talked to the lady who answered the phone. She started off kind of stern and grumpy, but she got friendlier as we talked. She gave me the email address to send my request to be excused to, and I got that done right away this morning too.
I spent most of the day following the news on tRUMP. The asshole has already sent out emails to his cultish followers claiming that this raid was “unprecedented” and a “witch hunt.” Then he asked for donations to be sent to him to save democracy. Fucking evil dickhead. Anything to grift his stupid followers for some cash. I hope he goes to jail for the rest of his life.
Where is a hungry nine foot alligator craving a greasy meal down in Mar a Largo????
Not much else going on in my life. Lily called and hounded me about going to a cardiologist and calling my doctor about my blood pressure. Just LEAVE ME ALONE. I have appointments set up. Hounding me only makes me anxious which raises my blood pressure even more. Ugh.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-10 07:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-08-10 10:16 am (UTC)Did you discuss the knee replacement with her as a goal or any of the shit involving pain management and how they suck at it because they only give you Tylenol that doesn't work?
You realize Caitlyn may have the same weight problems as you in reverse? That she can't put on weight no matter how she tries? It may be that she fails to eat enough calories in a day.
It's Walmart. You have to double check those people.
I'm going to make a cold cucumber soup recipe I got off of a blog. If it comes out nice I might merge it with a recipe I found for Sorrel soup. I've been looking for a cold sorrel soup recipe for decades, ever since I had some awesome soup at The Abbey in downtown, which isn't a restaurant any more so I'll never be able to eat there again. (It's a venue for weddings and events now.) I stumbled across a blog recipe that revealed the secret to how to keep the sorrel soup fresh and green and I'm sure that is how they did it. It involves making a paste of the sorrel with butter, sorta like pesto but not really. Then when the soup is done and cooling you stir it in at the lsat minute and then chill the soup, or you can eat it warm. Wrong time of year for sorrel as mine is likely very tough and you should use tender spring shoots. But I now have the recipe and I'm going to try the cucumber soup first. The if it turns out good, I'll be using the sorrel in it. At any rate you are supposed to make it in a blender. I don't use mine much but pesto is one of the things I do use it for. It's hard to do soup with it as the soup is hot when you put it in and it never all fits so you have to do it in stages and then dirty a lot of pots and containers. So I broke down a few years ago and bought a stick blender. I've only used it a few times but I like it. Next thing I'm going to buy is a real food processor.
Did you get the McDonald's recipe files I e-mailed you?
The new episodes of Resident Alien start TONIGHT!
Along with giving up the Diet Coke (good for you, never drink anything Diet again) you should try to cut down on the salt as well. That should help your blood pressure.
Lily is being a typical old person. My Dad tipped the girl at the salon for the pedicure $3. Seriously. A $3 tip. That's not even 10% for ONE pedicure. Not that we told him what they cost. But I'm sure he assumed it was about $10 for each of us so a total of $30. At least my Mom isn't so far gone she doesn't know what things cost. Of course, she's been paying the bills this entire time. He never has and has no clue what anything costs, plus his is stingy and cheap to boot. Just like my sister.
No way they should make you do jury duty. I'm lucky in that as soon as I'm 70 I can get out of jury duty. The last time I delayed it because of Covid and then picked a week I knew I wouldn't be needed. (Easter week.) I got a summons a few months later and called them and asked why I was getting another again as I had just done it a few months previous. She looked it up and excused me. Now one was Federal and the other County and she could have made me do it but she was nice and let me off. I am praying I can get out of duty for the next two years and two months.
If you want to lower your blood pressure, sit and pet a cat for 15-20 min. before you take it.
Sure that raid was unprecedented because we've never had a president who was a criminal before, you tried to stay in power but instigating a coup and had never stolen 15 boxed of top secret documents from the White House or flushed his papers down the toilet in violation of the Presidential Records act. He signed a bill increasing the penalty for such crimes from 1 year to 5 years so here's to opening they are consecutive sentences. I'm sure he'll look fabulous in orange. Of course, he'll also lose that tan and his hair will go white. He'll look like the old traitor that he is.
I really should start taking my blood pressure again. Instead I am going to may parent's house tomorrow to sweat in the heat, digging out the big planter in Grandpa's corner and refilling it with dirt. Maybe even getting some plants planted.
I sent online and bought a bunch of solar lighting for the areas my Mom can see from the living room and a new birdbath as the old one is now all black with mold and mildew and who knows what. She won't like the new one but she'd not filling it with water either. I'll be doing that about once a week and the other days the birds can just suck it. I ordered a timer for the raised bed garden but it won't get here until September. I am tempted to buy more and set up sprinklers and hoses for the grape vines so they don't die and see if any of the trees are still alive. The lemon is. Perhaps once everything is set up and semi-automatic I can look at trying to extend the green living things to the front yard. I can't do anything about the dead fruit trees. They are too expensive to replace and without an irrigation system I can put a timer on they'll just die again with no one to regularly water them. Shit for Brains bought my Mom some herbs and planted them in pots. That's what he does. Pots. He has no idea how to maintain a yard. Their yard looks just as bad as when they moved in. Still has weeds. Grass never mowed. Pathways never swept. I swear every time my Mom starts to praise him I am going to remind her of her dead yard and her dead fish and how his classes don't start until August 22 and how my sister has gone back to avoiding her like she has her entire life. I'm the one that's there and I'm the one that's treated like shit and getting fucked over. The next time she tells me how nicely Dolly and Sandy play I will tell her that they are not getting Dolly. She will be mine. So I don't give a shit how nicely she plays with Sandy.