chochiyo_sama

I still feel like a limp rag, but I haven't puked or had other unpleasant adventures in the bathroom for several hours.

I didn't eat anything all day and I didn't take any of my meds as I didn't want to have them festering in my stomach--I would surely puke--and that kind of puking is nasty as the pills are so bitter.

I did not leave the upstairs until about 4 pm, and that was to wait for Susan to deliver the ginger ale she bought for me. I didn't last downstairs very long. I heated up some chicken noodle soup--I managed to eat about half a cup of it, but then I began to feel queasy again. So I went back upstairs and lay down and just sort of dozed for an hour or so. I fell into a deeper sleep and woke up a few minutes ago.

I had brought some saltines up with me, and I ate five or six of them. They are sitting okay for now. I'm still achey and tired. My joints ache.

I think I will stay home again tomorrow--just to get enough rest to get over this crap. I've been feeling feverish and having chills again tonight. In a few minutes, I am going to shut down the computer and go to sleep.

I called Renee to ask her if she would sub for me tomorrow, but she has a training session, and I believe Susie B is already subbing for Ryan.

Sigh.

I hope my kids will behave if there is no sub for them tomorrow.

I think I will go back to bed now. I just don't feel good.

good night all.

Current Mood: miserable
Current Location: bedroom
Current Music: ghost hunters international

God knows that I have had enough in my life to be stressed about lately--and there have also been a lot of kids sick with flu-like crap at school too--tummy aches and vomitting, mostly.

All day today I felt nauseated, and my lower back and hip joints ached. My appointment with my therapist was at 3 pm, and I had a lot of stuff I wanted to talk to her about. We have been working hard on my boundary issues--I have a very hard time setting boundaries and keeping people from encroaching on them. It's very difficult for me to handle hostility in situations, and generally when people attack me, I weather it, then never give them the opportunity to attack me again by dropping them from my life.

It is rare that I am driven to attack back, and I almost never do if the attack is on me alone. I am much more likely to attack if the attack is done on someone I care about--or someone who is weaker or vulnerable.

Well, I was able to report to my therapist today that I had stood my ground, fairly and without cruelty, in defending my boundaries within a relationship. Sadly, this ended the relationship, but it was a major step forward for me in my own quest to better myself. I did not allow myself to be bullied, pushed, or shamed into allowing something I knew would be destructive to my self.

I am grieving the loss of the relationship, but I am also feeling a heady sense of relief and joy at knowing that I took care of myself FOR myself. My therapist was so proud of me.

Who knows? By the time I die I might be closing in on self-actualization!

Anyhow. It was a good session, but the longer it went on the more nauseous I felt. There were still 15 minutes left of my time, but I told Bonnie, "Hunny, I am going to have to leave early, I'm afraid. I'm feeling very sick to my stomach, and I don't want to vomit in your office."

She said, "Oh, my! Go if you have to!"

So I booted out of there, and by the time I got half way to the bathroom, I was barely holding it in.

I don't know if my bout of puking was brought about by sickness or by stress. I know it is part of who I am to throw up when I am stressed, and God knows, the situation I was talking about has been terribly stressful.

I don't even want to go into details because it is just too disturbing. I have never been one to force people to do something they do not want to do--especially if it is something they feel is damaging to them--so when someone tries to force ME into doing something against my best interests, I stress out.

I continued to feel sickish on my way home, and when I got home, I put on my PJs and got under the covers. I was having chills by then. My mom called and I talked to her for a little while, then I started to read Brisinger, which I have been working my way through slowly. I fell asleep and didn't wake up till nearly 9 pm. So I poked around on the internet a while, decided to write this entry, and am now about to go to bed.

I don't feel nauseous or chilled at the moment, so maybe whatever it was has already run its course.

one can hope.

I don't feel quite as stressed as I did before. A good thing, I think. I am only going to own what is mine to own. Others must own their own sack of shit. It ain't mine.

Current Mood: less stressed
Current Location: bed
Current Music: nada

Gah...maybe I am actually sick.

Now I have chills and am puking.

Delightful.

And the damned Asian Beetles are aggressively attacking me. I've sucked up at least 100 of the little bastards.

I'm laying here wondering if I should call a sub or wait until morning....to see if I'm better.

Gah

Current Mood: miserable

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