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I'm Totally Fucked UP
Sep. 12th, 2005 11:04 amI'm having a weird "Tension" experience. My back hurts, my knees hurt, my chest has that *tight* tension feeling. I have to keep consciously relaxing my shoulders which are having the tendency to rise up to my ears and stiffen.
I do not KNOW what is making me so tense. All I know is that it is causing my entire body to hurt.
I have the strange and overwhelming impulse to burst into tears. Normally this happens when my blood sugar is screwed up, but I know the blood sugar is okay--
Part of my issue is that I got paid on Friday, and I have not paid my bills yet. And you KNOW how stressed out I get thinking about bills and paying the nasty things.
Sigh.
When I get home tonight, the first thing I have to do is get the mail--then sort it out, balance my checkbook and pay what I can.
I spent about $120 in Walmart yesterday--most of it on groceries. I did buy a couple bottles of Nyquil because some nights when I cannot fall asleep, I take a shot of that stuff, and I sleep. I was also out of aspirins, shampoo, and conditioner, and even though I bought the cheap off brands, that stuff still isn't cheap. I bought a wire closet organizer rack--not to organize my closet, but to put across my lap when I am using my laptop in bed--I usually set it on a pillow, but the vent doesn't work right then, and it gets hot--and I do not want to wreck my wonderful new laptop by letting it get overheated to death.
I also bought a couple of pencil cases to get some of my little shit organized AND one to send the stuff for the September doll exchange to Annette in Australia in. I have it pretty much packed up--I have to find the Kelly "dragon" doll for the Halloween set I picked up for her. I'm not sure where it got to, but it was not with the other ones. I've taken them all out of the packages to make it easier to ship them. I believe they will all fit in the little 48 cent pencil box, and it will protect them from getting bounced around too badly.
While I have cut out a dress for the Lavendar and Lace contest, I haven't begun to sew it yet...and it isn't really the style I wanted to make. I bought a pattern half-price at Walmart yesterday that IS the style I want, so I may be cutting out another one.
I have pretty much decided to go with a pirate costume for my Halloween costume exchange for the Kelly group. If the Barbie group does one, I think I will go with something else. Maybe even something for a Ken doll. I'll have to think about it more. For the Kelly costume, I want to go with "denim" cut-offs with frayed cuts, a red and white striped shirt with the strips running horizontally, either a black or denim vest, a bright red or orange sash at the waste, a black eye patch, and a parrot to sit on her shoulder. I think I may have a parrot pin in my jewelry box that will work. It is actually a hair barrette, but I think it can be attached to elastic which will slide under her arm and hold it up. Otherwise, I will have to attempt one out of fimo.
I may have the parrot from aladdyn somewhere, but I am not sure where that might be. In one of the MANY boxes stacked in my porch or closet, I'm sure.
I want to think of something "different" for the barbie costume exchange. Maybe a giant pink bunny?
Or a hobo? That might be fun--with a little kerchief on a stick to carry over her shoulder.
I'll have to think more on it.
Well, writing is definitely good therapy. My tension is already lessened by putting all this on "paper" (so to speak)--it drains it out of my head and spills it into the abyss. At least it is out of my head.
Arg.
I do not KNOW what is making me so tense. All I know is that it is causing my entire body to hurt.
I have the strange and overwhelming impulse to burst into tears. Normally this happens when my blood sugar is screwed up, but I know the blood sugar is okay--
Part of my issue is that I got paid on Friday, and I have not paid my bills yet. And you KNOW how stressed out I get thinking about bills and paying the nasty things.
Sigh.
When I get home tonight, the first thing I have to do is get the mail--then sort it out, balance my checkbook and pay what I can.
I spent about $120 in Walmart yesterday--most of it on groceries. I did buy a couple bottles of Nyquil because some nights when I cannot fall asleep, I take a shot of that stuff, and I sleep. I was also out of aspirins, shampoo, and conditioner, and even though I bought the cheap off brands, that stuff still isn't cheap. I bought a wire closet organizer rack--not to organize my closet, but to put across my lap when I am using my laptop in bed--I usually set it on a pillow, but the vent doesn't work right then, and it gets hot--and I do not want to wreck my wonderful new laptop by letting it get overheated to death.
I also bought a couple of pencil cases to get some of my little shit organized AND one to send the stuff for the September doll exchange to Annette in Australia in. I have it pretty much packed up--I have to find the Kelly "dragon" doll for the Halloween set I picked up for her. I'm not sure where it got to, but it was not with the other ones. I've taken them all out of the packages to make it easier to ship them. I believe they will all fit in the little 48 cent pencil box, and it will protect them from getting bounced around too badly.
While I have cut out a dress for the Lavendar and Lace contest, I haven't begun to sew it yet...and it isn't really the style I wanted to make. I bought a pattern half-price at Walmart yesterday that IS the style I want, so I may be cutting out another one.
I have pretty much decided to go with a pirate costume for my Halloween costume exchange for the Kelly group. If the Barbie group does one, I think I will go with something else. Maybe even something for a Ken doll. I'll have to think about it more. For the Kelly costume, I want to go with "denim" cut-offs with frayed cuts, a red and white striped shirt with the strips running horizontally, either a black or denim vest, a bright red or orange sash at the waste, a black eye patch, and a parrot to sit on her shoulder. I think I may have a parrot pin in my jewelry box that will work. It is actually a hair barrette, but I think it can be attached to elastic which will slide under her arm and hold it up. Otherwise, I will have to attempt one out of fimo.
I may have the parrot from aladdyn somewhere, but I am not sure where that might be. In one of the MANY boxes stacked in my porch or closet, I'm sure.
I want to think of something "different" for the barbie costume exchange. Maybe a giant pink bunny?
Or a hobo? That might be fun--with a little kerchief on a stick to carry over her shoulder.
I'll have to think more on it.
Well, writing is definitely good therapy. My tension is already lessened by putting all this on "paper" (so to speak)--it drains it out of my head and spills it into the abyss. At least it is out of my head.
Arg.
