My new therapy homework.

[chochiyo_sama]

Monday, March 19, 2007

 

Therapy exhausts me.  After my appointments with the therapist, I go directly home and crash, most of the time.  It’s good—but it is hard and exhausting.

 

I hate going home and cooking when I am exhausted—so I went through the drive through at McDonalds.  I ordered a double quarter pounder with cheese value meal with a diet coke.

 

When I got up to the window, the kid said, “You got the Big and Tasty, right?”

 

Me:  “Nope.  Double quarter pounder with cheese.”

 

Another kid:  “You got the two cheese burgers and the happy meal?”

 

Me:  “Nope.  Double quarter pounder with cheese.”

 

The kids go off  and have a pow wow.   Then Kid 2 hands me a bag.  I look inside.  I see a Big and Tasty box. 

 

I ask, “Is this a double quarter pounder with cheese?”

The kid assures me that it is.  I should have looked right then and there.  When I got home and opened it up—it was NOT a double quarter pounder with cheese.  It was a big and tasty burger.

 

So, I looked up the phone number for Byron McDonalds, called, and asked to speak to the manager so I could have my first segment of therapy homework.

 

1.         Evaluate your rights.

 

• I have the right to ask for what I want.
• I have the right to express all my feelings, positive or negative.

·        I have the right to expect honesty from others.

• I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.
• I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.

 

2.         Designate a time.

            Immediately, once I discovered the problem.

 

3.         State the problem situation in terms of its consequences.

 

            I ordered and paid for a double quarter pounder with cheese.  I got a Big and Tasty burger.  This disappointed and frustrated me.

 

4.         Express your feelings.

 

            I was very frustrated and disappointed when I arrived home to discover I had been given the wrong thing after having specified what I wanted three times.

 

5.         Make your request.

 

            I did bad at this.  I didn’t request anything.  She offered to give me the right order if I came back—but I said I was in West Concord, and not willing to drive back to Byron for a burger.  She offered to mail me a free meal coupon and I agreed.

 

6.         State the consequences of gaining or not gaining the other person’s cooperation.

 

            I didn’t do this either—I didn’t have my “cheat sheet” in front of me while doing it.

 

 

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

 

My friend D.K. cares about me very much and often checks in with me to see whether or not I am being “good.”  I appreciate his care and concern, but sometimes, he tends to go on and on about stuff after I have already told him that I am eating on program and not craving any bad things (like sweets).  When I am doing well, focusing on the consequences of not doing well, makes me feel overwhelmed and as if failure is impossible to avoid.  He has had no idea that this is the effect it has on me.  So, while we were chatting in IM, I decided to practice my assertiveness on him.

 

 

 

 

1.         Evaluate your rights.

 

• I have the right to ask for what I want.
• I have the right to express all my feelings, positive or negative.
• I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.
• I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings.
• I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.
• I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.

 

2.         Designate a time.

            At the moment teachable moment occurred.

 

3.         State the problem situation in terms of its consequences.

 

            My cravings for foods that are not good for me are triggered and I feel the belligerent urge to do it just because I've been told I can't when you (or anyone) continues to talk to me about how I should not be eating them for an extended time.

 

4.         Express your feelings.

 

            I feel anxious and as if you feel I won't be able to control myself if I am not reminded over and over of the consequences.

 

5.         Make your request.

 

            I would appreciate it if, after asking me if I am avoiding the bad things and doing well on my eating program, you would acknowledge it when I am doing well, and not continue to talk about the consequences of my failing to do well.

 

6.         State the consequences of gaining or not gaining the other person’s cooperation.

 

            I will appreciate your support much more if you can let it go after checking in, acknowledging success, and encouraging continued success.  It will help me to stay focused on the successful elements and not focus on the NOT successful possibilities--which then seem overwhelming and impossible to avoid.

Comments

I think you did very well.

[the_godiva]

I wish I had a dollar for each time my order is wrong. I specifically ask for no pickles. And if you get pickles there's nothing you can do. Taking them out doesn't help. The juice has already soaked into the bun and burger and tainted it.

I would have done exactly what you did. I would have waited for the manager to make me an offer. And no, driving back would not be acceptable. A free meal certificate, as long as it equaled the money I paid for what I didn't get would have been acceptable. So I think you did really well there.

I don't think I would have been able to have the conversation you did with your friend. I just would have continued to quietly stew. How did DK react?

Re: I think you did very well.

[chochiyo-sama.livejournal.com]

He was a little defensive at first--but I told him it was part of my therapy to be assertive--and after we talked it over and I explained more that I understood that he does this because he really cares for me--but that he is achieving the opposite--he makes me want to go and buy the biggest sundae culver's makes when he goes on and on about my blood sugar and blah blah blah...

When we were done, he thanked me and asked if he could have a copy of the little cheat sheet I used so he could practice himself.

I asked him if he was offended, and he said, No that I was very clear and not snippy or snotty in tone.

Also, he knows I love him to bits.

Re: I think you did very well.

[enteryouruserid.livejournal.com]

Ooooh, I like Culver's too! I'll go indulge with you! (although I'll just have a regular hot fudge sundae, and I get the single Butterburger with mushroom and swiss and no fries or soda so I can "afford" the sundae, calorie-wise). I've noticed as I cut back on portion size that the same portions I used to eat now make me feel unpleasantly bloated. I've also noticed as I eat more food that is good for me and less that is bad (I avoid buying foods in the grocery store that have MSG, modified food starch, and partially hydrogenated vegetable oil, and of course eat more fruits and vegetables), that the food I eat, I notice the (good) flavors much better... and also if there is any of the aforementioned bad stuff in my food, I can tell because it makes me feel bad immediately. Part of this is attributable to cutting out sugary sodas (according to some science I've been told about but can't find to back it up). Also as I've been eating less greasy food, it takes less greasy food to get to where I feel like it's coming out my pores (very icky)...oh wait, maybe that means I've lost track of how much grease there's been in my diet proportionately lately (damn, that's probably true...). ;'D

Hugs and encouragement!
-Debra