chochiyo_sama

My brain was fried yesterday. 

Conferences tend to do that to me. 

Also, my back hurt really bad from sitting in that chair for so many hours without moving around much.

I couldn't wait to get home, curl up in my bed and sleep, with my cat curled up at my side.

I was feeling rather blue, as I have accepted the fact that I will not be able to do the Nano.  Not unless some bizarre miracle occurs.  Also, I'd eaten nothing but a few handfuls of cheetos all day on friday--and I had forgotten to take my meds before I left the house--so I was totally messed up, chemically speaking.

Anyhow, my mom called me.  I knew she wanted me to come home this weekend, and I really didn't want to--mostly because I have NO CLEAN UNDERWEAR except for the pair in my suitcase right now, and I haven't bought serious groceries in like three weeks, and I have nothing that meets the criteria of good, healthy, and convenient in my house at the moment.

Well, she proceeded to tell me that she and my very opinionated Republican uncle went and bought her a new lawn mower because her old one has been smelling like gas, and she has been afraid it would somehow spontaneously burst into flames in her garage.

My heart lightened in anticipation, because I KNEW that SHE knew that getting my lawn mowed has been a nightmare for the last 3 years, since Gene H. got too sickly to do it any more--and she KNOWS I can't afford a lawn mowere--especially not a RIDING lawn mower, and she knows that I pay a guy to mow my yard--when I can find one to do it--and that it costs me money that could be better spent elsewhere.

HOWEVER--she then proceded to tell me that she told JERRY, who is very financially well off, that he could have the old lawn mower for his son ROGER who is a fucking ENGINEER in the Milwaukee area!  Now, correct me if I am wrong, but do Engineers not usually make 7-8 TIMES more money than us lowly school teachers?

Hurt and Pissed warred for top billing in my seat of emotions--but in the end PISSED won out as HURT would have made it necessary for me to cry and feel even more depressed than I already did.

I was playing scrabble with Peter on line that night too--and he insisted on knowing what I was upset about, so I finally told him.  He said, "You have to tell her that she hurt you."

And I said, "You know I will never do that."

THEN, the fucking STALKER called and wanted to know why I sounded "down"--well, I said, I'd been doing conferences for two days, and they are rather exhausting, and also I didn't get much sleep this week.  So I'm tired.

"It's more than that!  You're LETTING YOURSELF GET DEPRESSED AGAIN."

No, shithead--YOU are depressing me by calling me five or six times a day and thinking you know more about the way I feel than I do.

She nagged me until I told her I was feeling bad about the nano--and she INSISTED that I had writer's block.  I said, "No, I do not have writer's block.  What I have is a very full plate, and all the shit I have going on in my life leaves me NO TIME to do the things I really would like to do--like participating in the Nano."

"Oh NO," she insisted.  "You have WRITER'S BLOCK.  I KNOW YOU DO."

I wanted to scream "SHUT UP, You stupid silly bitch!"

But I didn't.

I just patiently defined writer's block for her, then told her I was very tired and wanted to sleep.

She kept harping on the fact that I was depressed, and I finally said, "I am depressed partially because I am lacking SLEEP, and I  am lacking SLEEP because people keep calling me."

So she FINALLY got the hint and got off the phone.  Only to call me about 20 minutes later to tell me that her son had an audition in Hollywood for the part of someone whose mother or something had cancer.  She went on and on about how he could really relate to this since his aunt had died of cancer and blah blah blah.

I was just so pissed that SHE CALLED ME AGAIN when she KNEW how tired I was--but Jeff's interview was enough to give her an reasonable (to her) excuse to call me again, after i had distinctly told her I wanted to go to bed.

There's no reason that news couldn't have waited till morning.

For a few minutes, I sincerely hated every human being on the planet.

But then I got over it and let Peter kick my ass repeatedly in scrabble.

Then I went through my email and went to sleep.

I was soooo tired.

Now I am at my mom's because I just felt the need to get away from my house and the 10,000 unwelcome phone calls from my stalker.

Sigh.

I'm going to try to get out of here before noon tomorrow as I have to stop and get at least bread and butter at HyVee on the way home, and then i HAVE to do laundry as I have almost no clean clothes for next week.

Thank god, I get paid on Friday.

And dear sweet darling Jim has volunteered to change my oil.  I want him to check my tires too, just to see if they have enough air in them as my "low tire" light has come on again.  Every time it has come on, it has turned out to be a false alarm, but the time I ignore it will probably be the time I'm sitting on the edge of the road at midnight with a flat tire.

Sigh.

 That's about it for me for now.  it is almost three am, so I have to get my ass in bed.