chochiyo_sama

I've been feeling very sad about Komet--especially about taking her to the vet--thinking that maybe she felt betrayed by me. Worrying that she died wondering why her mommy was letting these bad people torture her and kill her....

But this morning, when I woke up, i just lay in bed for a while, and suddenly I became aware of a soft noise--and what it sounded like was a purring, right next to me, where my sweet girl usually slept. She always liked to snuggle right up next to me at night on my side. Generally she liked to wedge her little butt right into my armpit and lay between my arm and my side. She liked to put her chin in the palm of my hand and nuzzle my palm or she liked to roll onto her back and let me scritch her tummy as she purred.

I gradually became aware of the purring noise...and it kept going and going. It was not the furnace. The TV was off. the computer was off. really, nothing was on because I was still in bed and was just lying there.

It was soft but discernable, and it was definitely a purr, and I definitely was not dreaming as i was definitely awake. The purring noise went on and on, and i just lay there listening to it. It kept going until I was forced by my full bladder and my need to get ready for school to get up.

I heard it until I left the room to go to the bathroom, then it stopped. i didn't see or feel anything else.

When I was in the bathroom, i said out loud, "I love you, sweet heart. You are such a good, good girl. don't worry about your momma. i'm going to be alright. You have fun demolishing all the q-tips in heaven. i love you so much."

I don't know if it was really her or if I was having a grief induced hallucination, but i am going to choose to believe that she was really there in her spirit form, assuring me that she is okay and that she isn't holding a grudge.

My baby. i miss her so much.